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[personal profile] shamelessly_mkp



Gather round kids while I explain this manipulation tactic that men perpetually try to use and why it’s bullshit.

If someone is openly showing interest in you by making disparaging or disappointed comments about your age, they’re trying to put you on the defensive. This guy wants me to try to quell his discomfort, to bring up that I’m only a month shy of 20, etc. - he wants me to try to prove myself to him, that I’m mature and adult enough for a man like him.

His goal is to establish a power imbalance right off the bat. If we were to date, I would constantly be on the defensive, constantly striving to be an equal, constantly trying to prove my “adult” credentials. Anything he says or does or wants from this point on that I object to would just be seen as a strike against my age, proof that he was right and that I’m not mature enough for him. This is how SO MANY men pressure younger individuals (primarily women and girls) into situations and relationships they aren’t comfortable with. If he truly thought I was too young for him, he wouldn’t have messaged me. This is a very calculated move, and it’s fucking gross.

Adult relationships with age gaps are completely fine, but only if all parties view each other as equals. If someone is trying to set you up in a way that ensures that’s never a possibility, run far away.

YES. 3liza thoughts?

In practically every adult relationship I’ve seen where a significant age gap exists, when the two people started talking and connected on an emotional level, they weren’t aware of the age gap. Usually they then discover the age gap in a manner like: “Oh yeah sorry I can’t hang tonight I have A-level revision.” Wait, what!? A-levels!? You’re a teenager!?” and then they’ve had this whole emotional conundrum because they really like each other but weren’t aware and start panicking about legal matters and how society might see them and if it’s appropriate. This kind of thing happens and can’t be helped.

If somebody starts flirting with you and you’re underage or a teenager and they’re well into their twenties and they’re clearly aware of that from the start, be suspicious. Even if it’s legal in your country (16 is legal in the UK) speaking as a 29 year old, anybody in their mid-late twenties who deliberately looks for teenagers, even if they’re technically legal, is probably really immature and/or on the lookout for somebody they can dominate emotionally and take advantage of or at least not have to make an effort to have their shit together for or is such a loser that nobody their own age respects or will date them. Don’t let them manipulate you with lines like “you’re not like other people your age” (practically everybody is willing to believe they’re not like other people and keen to prove it), or “people my age are so boring, I relate better to people your age” (raises sympathy for poor adult stuck in boring grey adult world where everybody is boring while they are sill young at heart and can really relate to you, you vibrant exciting young thing, so it’s like they’re not really 25 at all so it’s okay! …ugh), absolutely do not let them sucker you in with expensive stuff they can buy you because they have a job. If a 25 year old guy is deliberately chasing up an 18 year old, you should definitely be asking yourself, “what about this guy makes him unwilling to date women his own age or unsuccessful at doing so?”

Stay safe!!

…and like, that always creeped me out and seemed manipulative, but I could never quite explain why



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