Oct. 21st, 2014

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DIY 10 Knit Classic Sweaters from Diary of a Creative Fanatic. All these curated patterns are free. 6 easy to follow video tutorials are at the bottom of the post for beginners. I really like this site because the roundups of patterns are so carefully picked and the patterns are ones that I would actually want to spend time knitting. 

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Recently, Bi Tumblr has been the target of a lot of biphobic trolling, hate and bashing, which I feel has been taking an enormous emotional toll on many of us (to the extent of interfering people’s ability to function or to deal with our daily lives). As bi bloggers and activists, we often feel that we have an obligation to engage in these discussions, that if we don’t do it, then no one will, and that if no one will, then the world would end (or at least, keep on being biphobic/monosexist without being called out). Therefore, one of our biggest problems happens when we overdo it in a way that actually harms us and our emotional well-being.

Up until not-too-long ago, I suffered from similar problems (albeit on facebook rather than tumblr) - I jumped into every discussion without considering the consequences; every time I saw someone who was “wrong on the internet”, I responded immediately (and that happened a lot). It got me into a state of constantly having to deal with aggressive discussions, having to perpetually explain, clarify and justify my positions and having to deal with biphobia, transphobia, sexism, racism and ableism almost constantly. Naturally, this took a huge toll on me in terms of emotional health, energy levels, and ability to keep on engaging in activism.

[Image: XKCD comic depicting a stick figure sitting by the computer. The stick figure is having the following dialogue with an off-panel character: “Are you coming to bed?” - “I can’t. This is important.” - “What?” - “Someone is wrong on the internet.”]

When I became ill with fibromyalgia (two and a half years ago), I found myself in a state of low energies (physical and emotional) and limited time. I had to teach myself how to keep on doing activism without harming myself and my health. Giving up facebook arguments was one of my first decisions, and it came along with a general decision to only put energy into places where I received something back rather than places that drained me.

I think there’s a shortage in our communities in knowledge of how to do online activism in a sustainable way, and without causing ourselves to burn out. And since this has recently become a major issue on Bi Tumblr, I wanted to share with you some things that I’ve learned along the way. So here are a few things that helped and are helping me to better deal with tumblr discussions. I hope it would be of assistance <3

Always, always remember that I can choose not to enter discussions.

Remember that the world is not going to end if I don’t reply, and that it’s not my job to fix the world all by myself.

Choosing my battles – if I’m doing awesome activism in a million other spheres, I don’t necessarily need the tumblr sphere.

Remember that I keep a tumblr blog to express my views rather than to argue. The fact that I have put up a text means something in and of itself. If anyone wants to know more about what I think and why, they’re welcome to look some more into my blog. I am not obligated to explain anything or reply to anyone.

When I see that people have written things that make me hurt or angry (in other blogs or in the tags), I take a deep breath and ask myself:

Do I have to reply?

Is it worth the effort and the energy?

Will people listen to what I have to say, or just start fighting with me?

Is it important enough for me to pay the price in terms of energy, frustration, time, etc.?

Clarify my boundaries in discussions where I do choose to participate:

If I only want to express my opinion rather than to start a fight, I write that explicitly.

If the thread is going in directions that are unpleasant for me, I say that and then stop following.

I always try to write politely and reasonably, in calm tones, without using insulting language or words. (If I can’t, then that’s a bad sign).

If I notice that I’m starting to get really pissed off, then it’s high time to leave.

If this is a particularly important discussion for me, and it’s going into bad places, I ask for help from friends and fellow bloggers, to join in and respond as well.

Clarify my boundaries in discussions on my blog:

I have a general policy of “No arguments on my blog”.

If someone replies argumentatively to one of my posts, I accept that I can’t control that (since it’s technically impossible on tumblr), but do not feel obliged to reply to them.

Sometimes when someone tries to reply argumentatively (especially in the asks), I reply briefly by posting a link to a blog post I’ve made in the past or another relevant text. This is because I assume people who ask really do want to learn more about the subject and/or what I think about it (Most actually don’t. They just want to argue. I still put it up because other people can be exposed to it).

Sometimes I don’t even reply to asks, if I don’t have the energy to argue or explain.

Remember that I don’t owe anything to anyone, and am certainly not obligated to consume my energies explaining something to someone on the internet.

My first obligation is to myself – making sure that I’m okay, being attentive to myself and placing boundaries when and where I need them.


[EDIT: September 14, 2014]

One more thing that it took me a while longer to learn:

I can choose what content I expose myself to. If I don’t want to be exposed to something, if reading a certain blog or a certain tag - or even being on tumblr - is causing me mental and emotional damage, I can unfollow, or take a break, and that’s totally fine. The world will not end if I’m not up to date.

[Image: A keyboard on fire]

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I had more than a year’s worth of backlog of library articles to enter in the Library For Kinksters.

My apologize for the spammed dashes.

I have one more “spam event” planned for the next few weeks that will focus on suicide and mental health.

After that, I will be caught up.

Now, back to the porn.

Welcome to the Library For Kinksters. Check back often as the library is updated frequently.

5 Languages of Love

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Truths To Live By

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

26 Baby Girl Jobs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

50 Rules for Daddies

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Age Play: A Short Guide

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Female Titles

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Ask A Million And One Questions

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

Basics of Breath Play

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

BDSM on a budget

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Consent & BDSM

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Daddy Up!

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dom Drop

Dominants Need Training Also

D/s and Domestication

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Factors That Make A Relationship

Feminist Submissive

Fetishes Explained

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

Finding Your Dominant

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Getting Started in D/s: Defining your Relationship Needs

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide to Consent

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

Help For New Doms

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Be A Good Dominant

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How to be Yourself

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Find A Dom

How to Find a Submissive

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Ignore Haters

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Importance Of Confidence In Relationships

Importance Of Trust In A Relationship

Introduction To BDSM

Is BDSM normal?

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Novice Submissives

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

On Cutting

Online Aftercare

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Slut Shaming Explained

So you want to be a Dom?

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

Some Thoughts On Rules

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Stop Arguments Before They Start

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

The Dom Commandments

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

Topping from the bottom

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What is a Little?

What Is Real Love?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

When He Doesn’t Call

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

When Someone Is After Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Why I call him Daddy

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Your Rights As A Submissive

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[…] the sweetness of your voice / and the thrill of your laugh have so stirred the heart / 
in my own chest, that whenever I catch 
/ sight of you, even if for a moment, 
/ then my voice deserts me / and my tongue is struck silent, a delicate fire /
 suddenly races underneath my skin, 
/ my eyes see nothing, my ears roar / cold sweat rushes down me, / trembling seizes me, / I am greener than grass. - Sappho

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klainehiatuschallenge day 45 - favorite thing about the proposal

❝I think that my soul knew something that my body and my mind didn’t know yet.❞

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Abbie can only assume that the buddy system was invented after 1781.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:sleepyhollow, rating:generalaudiences, ~author:prettyasadiagram, genre:gen, genre:five-times/five-things, season/series-one

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klainehiatuschallenge day 49 - klaine scenes i wish had been longer

❝What do boys' lips taste like?❞ 

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"What? The price of carrots has gone up?! That’s an outrage!"


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