Nov. 5th, 2014

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Sharon Carter expected to pull a gun in the line of duty. She didn’t expect to pull it here. SHIELD was her holy ground. — Some aunts take you to mass, but Sharon’s took her to the shooting range. When Sharon finally met Captain Rogers, she was almost startled at his size. She’d read the comics, sure, but to Sharon, who had heard all the stories (and to Peggy, who had told them), Steve Rogers would always be 5’4” and breakable, had always been a hero. Her mother had told her bedtime stories about Aunt Peggy saving the world. Her aunt had told her stories about a skinny kid who hated bullies, and a crew of wisecracking soldiers who followed his lead—about Steve and Bucky and all the Howling Commandos out to save the day and chase away each of Sharon’s nightmares. Her father told her stories about talking elephants and singing mice who built treehouses together. Sharon carried all of those with her, into the lies of pink nurses’ scrubs and the chaos of SHIELD’s fall, into everything that came afterwards. But this came first. (A Sharon Carter character study)!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:captainamerica, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:sharon.carter.&.natasha.romanov, pairing:sharon.carter.&;.peggy.carter, pairing:steve.rogers.&.natasha.romanov, ~author:dirgewithoutmusic, awesome, genre:gen, genre:character-study, genre:episode-tag/missing-scene, character:sharon.carter

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so instead of buying a car this weekend, i did…not that.

and i spent over an hour yesterday on the phone trying to find a psychiatrist who takes my insurance and is accepting patients and got nowhere and ended up stopping to prevent having a meltdown.

so i have no doctor’s appointment, either.

i washed some dishes, but there’s still dirty dishes and trash everwhere, and i ended up ordering delivery last night even though i’m already spending way too much money with extending this car rental another week, and basically i am very unimpressed with myself right now but also too tired and headachy to care much.

my mom decided that because i didn’t respond to her forwarded car details the week i was either sick or working 12 hour days i don’t really want their help buying a car, which is. pretty par for the course and they’ll probably still help me make a decision and shit but god, it’s frustrating.

like i don’t think they realize how hard a time i’m having just functioning at a most basic level, and on the one hand, that’s good, because it’ll just worry them and freak them the fuck out and i’ll have mom on my case about meds and doctors and about not allowing my mental illness to become an excuse

but on the other hand

yeah. idk.

it seems like all i have are bad days lately.

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The Winter Soldier did not waste bullets, time, or death. Natasha told herself that and fingered her scar. The Winter Soldier did not leave witnesses, but he had left her by that cliff outside of Odessa. Was Natasha an exception? Or did she not count as a witness? Had he looked at her and seen the same black button eyes reflected back at him, the on/off switch, the tick of clockwork? Years later, Natasha watched the Soldier slam into the freeway concrete. The bullet holes in her abdomen had healed, and she knew this thing did not consider itself a person. They were animate objects, both of them, useless in the witness stand. He hadn’t pulled the car transmission out, after all, hadn’t stripped the cell phone in the victim’s pocket, or shot up the rocks at the side of that road outside Odessa. He hadn’t shot her. He had left her there, breathing, and the Winter Soldier didn’t leave witnesses. On cold nights, Natasha dreamed of ballerinas: porcelain, exquisite, their ribs jutting out stark under their skin. (A Natasha Romanoff character focus)!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:theavengers, fandom:ironman, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:captainamerica-allmediatypes, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:natasha.romanov.&.avengers.team, pairing:natasha.romanov.&.shield, pairing:steve.rogers.&.natasha.romanov, pairing:the.black.widow.&.the.winter.soldier, pairing:sharon.carter.&.natasha.romanov, pairing:clint.barton.&.natasha.romanov, ~author:dirgewithoutmusic, genre:gen, genre:episode-tag/missing-scene

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Maria knew better than to invest herself in the metal bones of this place. The helicarrier’s engines roared like a thudding heart. The control room windows were vast. She stood at the helm there, at Fury’s shoulder, in streaming daylight and in the peaceful dark of a moonless night pinpricked with stars somewhere high over the Atlantic. The helicarrier rumbled under her feet and Fury ran a fond hand along one metal wall, like Coulson did with that car of his, the way Sharon stood in the Triskelion and nearly glowed. Fury called it cancer once, after Loki’s attack was over, once Barton was back in the fold and New York saved. She kept in step behind him as Fury walked the helicarrier halls, reviewed the damage, as he mourned. “No, sir,” she said. “Just war.” (A Maria Hill character study)!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:agentsofs.h.i.e.l.d., rating:generalaudiences, pairing:nick.fury.&.maria.hill, pairing:peggy.carter.&.maria.hill, pairing:sharon.carter.&.antoine.triplett, pairing:maria.hill.&;.sharon.carter, pairing:phil.coulson.&.maria.hill, ~author:dirgewithoutmusic, genre:gen, genre:character-study, genre:episode-tag/missing-scene, character:maria.hill, awesome

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newleasemylove replied to your post “so instead of buying a car this weekend, i did…not that. and i spent…”

*cuddles you* I wish I lived closer so I could actually help, just know that I would be right there if I could okay?

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daltoneering:

shamelesslymkp replied to your post “Fic: In My Bones”

oh my god the bit near the end with the nonsexual domination i mean it was also sexy but just the sweetness of givign blaine what he ~needed~ and the simplicity of it and and and <3 <3 <4

thank you so much! i’m really glad you enjoyed that, it was my favourite part to write! (and i also like really value your praise for D/s scenes eeee)

okay so this is weird but i have been kickyfeeting ever since you replied because you value my praise fo rD/s scenes ohmygod and

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Clint Barton’s snap decision to re-interpret his mission orders means a new life for Natalia Romanova. She’s only got the one shot at it, though, and “how to live and remake yourself in three easy steps” was never included in her assassin training.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:theavengers, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, rating:mature, pairing:clint.barton.&.natasha.romanov, pairing:clint.barton.&.phil.coulson, pairing:phil.coulson.&.natasha.romanov, ~author:sallyexactly, theme:queer-themes, queer-theme:asexuality, pre-canon, warning:violence, warning:other/unspecified, warning:canon-typical-warnings, epic, awesome, character:natasha.romanov, character:clint.barton

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The man who was once a weapon (and is trying to become a man again) finds a child wheezing one night. It awakens something inside him. [or, the ex-Winter Soldier imprints on a child and lets her become his conscience]!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, fandom:theavengers, rating:notrated, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes/steve.rogers, pairing:clint.barton/natasha.romanov, pairing:jane.foster/thor, pairing:pepper.potts/tony.stark, ~author:tigriswolf, genre:au, trope:kid!fic, warning:canon-typical-warnings, warning:amnesia, warning:brainwashing/mindfuckery, genre:gen

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Steve doesn’t look up from his pancakes. “Panic attacks are like drowning but never dying.” Sam stops looking at Bucky and starts looking at Steve. It gives Bucky a few moments to gather his words again from where they’ve scattered through his veins at Steve’s words. “Isn’t that –“ Bucky stops. Finds the words again. “Isn’t that just normal?” This time both Steve and Sam look at him. “No.” Sam says, “That’s not normal.” — Bucky is introduced to the quiet room, and to the blankets that have been waiting for him there.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:theavengers, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:theavengers(marvel)-allmediatypes, rating:generalaudiences, ~author:rainbowrites, genre:gen, note:sequel

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Sam is definitely not trying to lure Captain America to his house with pancakes and soundproofing (aka, do you know what that much hearing does to a person? Sam and Natasha and Clint build their resident supersoldier a quiet room)!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:theavengers, fandom:captainamerica, rating:generalaudiences, ~author:rainbowrites, genre:gen, awesome, note:has-a-sequel

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Sometimes at night, her memories slip, and the training becomes difficult to remember: wrong. She is in pointe shoes and holding a gun in both hands; she is dressed for an ops mission, at a performance for the Kremlin. She remembers being very young, there being chaos, and her handlers changing. Knowing something was different, but being punished, told everything was the same until she stopped before she even questioned. Her parents’ faces are never clear, though she knows she has seen them in pictures. Her mother: was she tall like Natalia—no, that was—they told her she was like her father. His stature. Her mother’s posture. They told her she could have been royalty.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:theavengers, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:steve.rogers.&.natasha.romanov, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes.&.natasha.romanov, pairing:nick.fury.&.natasha.romanov, ~author:linzeestyle, genre:gen, genre:character-study, pre-canon, warning:canon-typical-warnings, warning:brainwashing/mindfuckery

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She is Nataliya. She is Nathalie. She is Talia. She is Natasza. She is Natasha. A story of how Natasha Romanoff found herself, with a little help from that annoying American with the bow.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:marvel, fandom:marvelavengersmoviesuniverse, fandom:theavengers, fandom:ironman, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:clint.barton/natasha.romanov, ~author:starrika, genre:gen, genre:character-study, warning:canon-typical-warnings, warning:brainwashing/mindfuckery, pre-canon

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When a rookie brings a concern to Coulson about some of Natasha’s habits, he initially dismisses it. But like most everything involving the Black Widow, appearances can be deceptive.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:theavengers, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:clint.barton.&.phil.coulson, pairing:phil.coulson.&.natasha.romanov, pairing:clint.barton.&.phil.coulson.&.natasha.romanov, pairing:clint.barton/natasha.romanov, ~author:frea_o, genre:gen, entertaining

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Natasha has been with SHIELD for eight months, and she is functioning well on missions, but she’s not exactly thriving outside of them. Coulson thinks this is something Fury can - and should - help with. Possibly this should involve truck stop diner food.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:theavengers, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, rating:teenandupaudiences, ~author:arwenlune, genre:gen, pre-canon

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The Winter Soldier oversees an assassination in Paris.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes.&.natasha.romanov, ~author:kvikindi, creepy-as-fuck, so-fucked-up, warning:canon-typical-warnings, warning:violence, warning:other/unspecified, warning:brainwashing/mindfuckery, genre:gen, pre-canon

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lalaleniii: Sooo, since LJ is much more convinient in that ways, and I need to use my account anyways, I figured I’d post a list on where to go read klaine fics because sometimes it’s hard to find something new and you just feel like you’ve read everything (believe me, you haven’t). If you know of another fic rec blog on tumblr/lj or another site, don’t hesitate to message me, I’d be happy to be able to expand this list!

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Department X has no scruples about using children for espionage work. After all, the Black Widow Program begins training at age six, and conditioning can begin even earlier - not making use of such valuable assets would be a waste. Natalia Alianovna Romanova is nine years old when Department X sends her on her first mission. The Winter Soldier goes with her.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:theavengers(marvel)-allmediatypes, fandom:theavengers-ambiguousfandom, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:captainamerica-allmediatypes, rating:mature, pairing:natasha.romanova.&.james.”bucky”.barnes, pairing:natasha.romanova.&.the.winter.soldier, ~author:authorauthor, genre:gen, pre-canon, so-fucked-up, warning:canon-typical-warnings, warning:violence, warning:other/unspecified, warning:brainwashing/mindfuckery

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Five times Maria Hill doesn’t understand Natasha Romanoff, and why she might be better off that way.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, fandom:theavengers, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:maria.hill.&.natasha.romanov, pairing:http://ift.tt/1qVyUnH, pairing:clint.barton.&.natasha.romanov, pairing:maria.hill.&.clint.barton, ~author:frea_o, ~author:tielan, genre:gen, genre:character-study, genre:five-times/five-things, awesome

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She’s heard of the Winter Soldier, of course… Five lies whispered in the Red Room.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, fandom:marvel, fandom:marvel616, fandom:blackwidow, fandom:wintersoldier, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:captainamerica-allmediatypes, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes/natasha.romanov, ~author:stars_inthe_sky, genre:gen, genre:five-times/five-things, pre-canon

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Steve and Sam chase the Winter Soldier’s trail of cold cases across Europe. Meanwhile, Bucky keeps an eye on their progress. As his memories return, he begins to find it harder and harder to sleep and there’s only one person he can think to turn to. A lot of emotionally repressed bed-sharing ensues.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:marvelcinematicuniverse, rating:mature, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes/steve.rogers, ~author:enjambament

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He fires between breaths. He misses, and one of Rogers’s assailants goes down in a flush of red. Fights back the confusion (he doesn’t miss, he doesn’t miss harder shots than that), readjusts, doesn’t breathe at all this time, watches— He misses again. He misses ten times, until the Captain is alone, surrounded by the corpses of his attackers.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:captainamerica, rating:teenandupaudiences, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes/steve.rogers, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes.&.steve.rogers, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes.&.steve.rogers.&.sam.wilson, ~author:kathrynshadow

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The one where Steve and Bucky pose as a happily married couple while on a mission for SHIELD, to catch an international arms dealer hiding in a suburban neighbourhood.!fic, site:archiveofourown, fandom:captainamerica, fandom:marvel, fandom:theavengers, rating:explicit, pairing:james.”bucky”.barnes/steve.rogers, ~author:renne, trope:undercover, trope:pretend!couple, trope:marriage!fic, entertaining

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jurantparetoiles:

ah yes the last three months of the year: halloween, nanowrimo and christmas

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