AT THE CLUB [3/?]

[shamelessly_mkp]

Blaine saw Kur tfreeze, but then he moved faster than Blaine might have thought possible (but not fast enough not fast enough he needed to be out now now now) and the cage was opening and Blaine ‘s hands uncuffed, even before he hada chance to leave the cage, but that was fine, that wwas good, and he was scrubbing at his face and scrambling backwards and he felt Kurt catch him, help him out, but that didn’t matter because it wasn’t getting better and he needed it to stop, wanted to be home and red red red.

“Shh, I know, I know,” 

Kurt was petting him, trying to comfort him, and he squeezed his eyes shut tight but they were still there and everyone could still see “I want to go home. Can we go home? Please, Kurt; let’s just go home.”

“Okay,” Kurt was agreeing with him, again and again. “Okay, it’s okay. We’ll go home. I promise.” 

Blaine was still scrubbing his face, trying to get Kurt’s come off. He had to get it off, he had to, and his face was stinging but it was still there, he knew it was, he could feel it.

Kurt’s hands trapped his and Blaine struggled against them, but Kurt’s grip was like iron and he wouldn’t let go. “You’re hurting yourself.”

It didn’t matter, that didn’t matter, didn’t Kurt understand? He needded to get it off.

“Shhh.” Kurt was trying to soothe him, Blaine knew, and then there was a soft wet cloth wiping gently over his face. “It’s gone, honey. It’s all gone, I promise. It’s okay.”

No, it wasn’t. It was never going to be okay again. Never never never—

“Shhh.” 

Blaine’s face was suddenly buried in Kurt’s chest and he held on tightly, curling in tighter and tighter into Kurt’s arms, trying to be smaller, to disappear entirely, and Kurt was holding him so close that Blaine thought maybe he could, maybe he could just disappear into Kurt, fade away and sink into him, become a part of him like his bones—

Kurt was rocking him and he was crying and he couldn’t breathe and why wasn’t Kurt taking him home? He wanted to go home.

There was murmurred conversation going on above him but Blaine couldn’t understand it; the words slipped away and didn’t make sense and anyway he was choking on his own sobs and he just wanted to go home, Kurt; please, I want to go home.

Then Kurt was talking to him and by some miracle Blaine could at least understand him, telling him he had to let go just for a minute, honey, I promise. A minute, you understand? keep your eyes shut.

No no no - Blaine resisted, but someone else was gently but firmly disentangling him from Kurt’s arms and pulling him backwards and Blaine’s panic grew because he’d almost forgotten that there were still other people watching, seeing him and he was fighting, trying to get away but then he was being lifted off the ground and it was Kurt; Kurt had his arms wrapped around him and was carrying him and Blaine always forgot just how strong his boyfriend was, how did he always forget how strong his boyfriend was? And then they weren’t moving anymore and Blaine heard a car door opening and Kurt was manuvering them into what had to be the backseat so someone else was driving, someone else was there, and he tried to protest but Kurt just hushed him and held him close. “Just a little longer, honey. We’re almost home.” Which was a lie because they had just left the club and Blaine remembered how long it had taken to get there, although to be fair they had used the subway and driving might be faster although it was new york so who knows, but he wrapt himself in it anyway, coccooning its comfort around him like believing it would make it true. They were almost home. Almost. Just a little longer.

***

Kurt was disentangling them before Blaine had even registered the fact that the car had stopped. His eyelids flew open reflexively and he saw two people standing beyond where Kurt was turned to help Blaine out of the car, and he wasn’t even sure who they were and he didn’t want to know and he was starting to freak out again because they had had to have been there; they’d been at the club; they’d seen him; they knew what a slut he was, how fucking desperate and now how fucking pathetic he was and—

“Shut your eyes, Blaine. Right now.” 

Kurt’s voice was sharp and not to be disobeyed, and Blaine shut his eyes, and the darkness, the not-knowing, it was scary but better, a familiar discomfort that always came with the loss of his senses. 

Blaine wasn’t really sure how he got out of the car, but suddenly he was being lifted up into the air again and Kurt was carrying him and he felt like the swooning damsel in distress and he could walk, Kurt, he wanted to walk, he was a slut and a freak but not an invalid too; Kurt didn’t have to carry him; Kurt shouldn’t carry him.

Kurt ignored him, and Blaine couldn’t help the tears of relief that soaked Kurt’s shirt collar again. He didn’t have to walk. He didn’t have to do anything. He could just hold on to Kurt and pretend this was happening, that it had never happened.

Doors mysteriously unlocked and opened themselves and Blaine was gently lowered onto their bed (with the covers already pulled back; how were they already pulled back?) and then Kurt was coaxing him to drink some water and somehow his shoes had come off and he was curling into the soft comfort of their own bed, their own pillows, the crisp clean sheets that smelled like the slightly citrus-scented laundry detergent Kurt favored and he was tired, so tired, he ached with it and Kurt was warm and there and he just wanted to go to sleep, he was so tired, he—

***

when he slowly drifted back to consciousness, Kurt was still there, wrapped around him and hoarsely murmuring soothing words into his hair. Blaine must have made some kind of movement, because Kurt somehow knew he was awake.

“Better?”

The question was quiet and gentle, but Blaine could hear the sharply controlled fear and pain behind it. He’d safeworded, for god’s sake - he’d never safeworded. And for what? because he’d felt embarrassed? They hadn’t even - it hadn’t been - that had been practically vanilla! God, he was such a fucking terrible sub, and Kurt thought it was his fault, that he was being a bad dom because he’d made Blaine safeword when really it was Blaine who’d fucked up. 

A gentle tug on his hair jolted Blaine out of his self-recriminations. 

“Talk to me, Blaine. What happened?”

Blaine shut his eyes again, unable to face his boyfriend’s worried visage. “Nothing-”

“Bullshit.” 

Kurt didn’t often swear.

“It was nothing - it was - I don’t know what happened,” Blaine said in frustration. “I just - I couldn’t - Kurt,I don’t want to talk about this,” he added plaintively.

“We have to talk about it, Blaine. You safeworded.”

“I know, Kurt; I was there,” Blaine snapped back. “I’m sorry,” he apologized immediately, scrubbing at his face in irritation. “I didn’t mean to yell.”

“It’s okay-”

“No, it’s not,” Blaine interrupted loudly. “I’m not allowed to talk to you like that.” His voice got higher in agitation.

“Blaine-”

“It’s a rule, Kurt; I’m not allowed to talk to you like that, I’m not allowed, I’m not-”

“Blaine!”

The gentle tug from earlier became a sharp one.

“You need to calm down.” 

Kurt’s voice was firm, leaving no room for the possibility of disobedience, but Blaine was being disobedient anyway, he couldn’t be obedient, he couldn’t calm down, what kind of fucking order was that, anyway? Kurt can’t make him change his emotions just on Kurt’s sayso, that’s not how this works, that’s not part of the rules-

“Blaine.”

Blaine kept his eyes shut and didn’t respond. Above him, he heard his boyfriend sigh.

“You’re right,” Kurt said after a moment. “You’re not allowed to talk to me like that. Not even when you’re upset. You broke a rule. And what happens when you break a rule, Blaine?”

“…I get punished?” 

Blaine’s voice, when it came out, was smaller than he’d meant it to be.

“That’s right,” his boyfriend agreed, and Blaine felt Kurt taking his hand and squeezing it comfortingly. “Usually I’d punish you right now, wouldn’t I?”

Blaine nodded, not sure where this was going.

“But you’ve had a bad day, so I’m going to give you a choice. Do you want your spanking now, or do you want to wait till tomorrow?”

Blaine didn’t have to think about it. “Now.”

There was a long minute or so where Kurt stayed where he was, gently running his fingers through Blaine's hair. Then Blaine's boyfriend was urging him up, off the bed, and leading him into the living room.

Blaine wasn't quite sure why they weren't staying in the bedroom, but followed Kurt anyway, sitting on the couch when Kurt motioned for him to do so. 

Kurt disappeared into their apartment's small kitchen and Blaine craned his head trying to see what--

"Eyes shut, Blaine."

Blaine crossed his arms in exasperation, but shut his eyes. Kurt had such a *thing* for "the element of surprise" and it was so--

"Knees, please."

Kurt was back, and Blaine obediently sank to his knees onto what was probably a couch cushion, Kurt pushing and prodding him till he was placed to his boyfriend's satisfaction, kneeling nestled in the v of kurt's legs as he sat on the couch.

This...was not how punishments usually went. "Kurt?"

"You can open your eyes, honey."

Blaine did, but it didn't make the scene any less confusing. "I thought I was getting punished."

"You are." 

Kurt carded his fingers through Blaine's hair and tugged, sharply. "I want to try something new. It's not something we've done before, and if you find yourself too uncomfortable, you tell me, understand?"

"But why not-"

"Because."

"That's not a reason."

"Do I need to give you a reason?"

"...No."

Kurt nodded in satisfaction, then reached down and pulled Blaine's hands up to rest on his own thighs. "Stay just like this, okay? You can hold on as tightly as you want."

Blaine was feeling rather apprehensive now. What was Kurt going to *do*? HE *hated* not knowing what Kurt was going to do. And then his head was being tilted downward, exposing the back of his neck, and it was such a vulnerable position he coulnd't help but tense up.

There were several long moments where nothing happened and Blaine *knew* Kurt was just letting him squirm, he hated when Kurt just let him squirm, was it like, listed on dom's dos-and-don'ts lists as a mandatory thing or something? or maybe Kurt was just more of a sadist than he let on -

Suddenly there was wet cold on the back of his neck and it was burning, it hurt, and Blaine wanted it to stop, make it stop-

"Hold still," his boyfriend said sharply, and Blaine stopped trying to squirm away, digging his fingers into Kurt's thighs instead because it *hurt*, what *was* that, was it *ice*, what the hell?

Just when he thought he couldn't stand it a second longer, the ice was gone and Kurt's hand was on his neck, its body warmth sinking into Blaine's skin and soothing away the burn of the cold.

"Kurt?" 

Blaine hated how shaky his voice was, but he couldn't help it, and he had to know- was that it? that couldn't be it, Kurt couldn't be done-

and then the ice was back and Blaine was again trying not to fight against it, trying not to cry out with the pain of it.

"Relax."

How was he supposed to *Relax*, Kurt?

"Just accept it."

Blaine closed his eyes and held on to Kurt and tried.

***

He wasn't sure how many times they'd gone through the same cycle when it gradually occurred to him that the ice hadn't been there for several minutes now and that Kurt was stroking his hair and telling him how good he was.

Time had gone sort of fuzzy, everything had, and all there had been was the ice and the pain, and Kurt's gentle hands soothing it away before bringing it right back.

Blaine rested his head in Kurt's lap and slowly let the world come back into focus, let himself notice the ache in his knees despite the cushion, the pins and needles that came from staying too long in one position, the dried tears on his face.

"Thank you," he said quietly (too quietly) into Kurt's leg, and somehow Kurt heard him.

"You're welcome," his boyfriend murmurred back. "I'll always give you what you need, honey. All you have to do is ask."