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shamelessly_mkpbidyke:
Recently, Bi Tumblr has been the target of a lot of biphobic trolling, hate and bashing, which I feel has been taking an enormous emotional toll on many of us (to the extent of interfering people’s ability to function or to deal with our daily lives). As bi bloggers and activists, we often feel that we have an obligation to engage in these discussions, that if we don’t do it, then no one will, and that if no one will, then the world would end (or at least, keep on being biphobic/monosexist without being called out). Therefore, one of our biggest problems happens when we overdo it in a way that actually harms us and our emotional well-being.
Up until not-too-long ago, I suffered from similar problems (albeit on facebook rather than tumblr) - I jumped into every discussion without considering the consequences; every time I saw someone who was “wrong on the internet”, I responded immediately (and that happened a lot). It got me into a state of constantly having to deal with aggressive discussions, having to perpetually explain, clarify and justify my positions and having to deal with biphobia, transphobia, sexism, racism and ableism almost constantly. Naturally, this took a huge toll on me in terms of emotional health, energy levels, and ability to keep on engaging in activism.
[Image: XKCD comic depicting a stick figure sitting by the computer. The stick figure is having the following dialogue with an off-panel character: “Are you coming to bed?” - “I can’t. This is important.” - “What?” - “Someone is wrong on the internet.”]
When I became ill with fibromyalgia (two and a half years ago), I found myself in a state of low energies (physical and emotional) and limited time. I had to teach myself how to keep on doing activism without harming myself and my health. Giving up facebook arguments was one of my first decisions, and it came along with a general decision to only put energy into places where I received something back rather than places that drained me.
I think there’s a shortage in our communities in knowledge of how to do online activism in a sustainable way, and without causing ourselves to burn out. And since this has recently become a major issue on Bi Tumblr, I wanted to share with you some things that I’ve learned along the way. So here are a few things that helped and are helping me to better deal with tumblr discussions. I hope it would be of assistance <3
Always, always remember that I can choose not to enter discussions.
Remember that the world is not going to end if I don’t reply, and that it’s not my job to fix the world all by myself.
Choosing my battles – if I’m doing awesome activism in a million other spheres, I don’t necessarily need the tumblr sphere.
Remember that I keep a tumblr blog to express my views rather than to argue. The fact that I have put up a text means something in and of itself. If anyone wants to know more about what I think and why, they’re welcome to look some more into my blog. I am not obligated to explain anything or reply to anyone.
When I see that people have written things that make me hurt or angry (in other blogs or in the tags), I take a deep breath and ask myself:
Do I have to reply?
Is it worth the effort and the energy?
Will people listen to what I have to say, or just start fighting with me?
Is it important enough for me to pay the price in terms of energy, frustration, time, etc.?
Clarify my boundaries in discussions where I do choose to participate:
If I only want to express my opinion rather than to start a fight, I write that explicitly.
If the thread is going in directions that are unpleasant for me, I say that and then stop following.
I always try to write politely and reasonably, in calm tones, without using insulting language or words. (If I can’t, then that’s a bad sign).
If I notice that I’m starting to get really pissed off, then it’s high time to leave.
If this is a particularly important discussion for me, and it’s going into bad places, I ask for help from friends and fellow bloggers, to join in and respond as well.
Clarify my boundaries in discussions on my blog:
I have a general policy of “No arguments on my blog”.
If someone replies argumentatively to one of my posts, I accept that I can’t control that (since it’s technically impossible on tumblr), but do not feel obliged to reply to them.
Sometimes when someone tries to reply argumentatively (especially in the asks), I reply briefly by posting a link to a blog post I’ve made in the past or another relevant text. This is because I assume people who ask really do want to learn more about the subject and/or what I think about it (Most actually don’t. They just want to argue. I still put it up because other people can be exposed to it).
Sometimes I don’t even reply to asks, if I don’t have the energy to argue or explain.
Remember that I don’t owe anything to anyone, and am certainly not obligated to consume my energies explaining something to someone on the internet.
My first obligation is to myself – making sure that I’m okay, being attentive to myself and placing boundaries when and where I need them.
The golden rule: THE WORLD WILL NOT END IF I DON’T REPLY.
[EDIT: September 14, 2014]
One more thing that it took me a while longer to learn:
I can choose what content I expose myself to. If I don’t want to be exposed to something, if reading a certain blog or a certain tag - or even being on tumblr - is causing me mental and emotional damage, I can unfollow, or take a break, and that’s totally fine. The world will not end if I’m not up to date.
[Image: A keyboard on fire]
via:Tumblr http://ift.tt/1r4OGO4
Recently, Bi Tumblr has been the target of a lot of biphobic trolling, hate and bashing, which I feel has been taking an enormous emotional toll on many of us (to the extent of interfering people’s ability to function or to deal with our daily lives). As bi bloggers and activists, we often feel that we have an obligation to engage in these discussions, that if we don’t do it, then no one will, and that if no one will, then the world would end (or at least, keep on being biphobic/monosexist without being called out). Therefore, one of our biggest problems happens when we overdo it in a way that actually harms us and our emotional well-being.
Up until not-too-long ago, I suffered from similar problems (albeit on facebook rather than tumblr) - I jumped into every discussion without considering the consequences; every time I saw someone who was “wrong on the internet”, I responded immediately (and that happened a lot). It got me into a state of constantly having to deal with aggressive discussions, having to perpetually explain, clarify and justify my positions and having to deal with biphobia, transphobia, sexism, racism and ableism almost constantly. Naturally, this took a huge toll on me in terms of emotional health, energy levels, and ability to keep on engaging in activism.
[Image: XKCD comic depicting a stick figure sitting by the computer. The stick figure is having the following dialogue with an off-panel character: “Are you coming to bed?” - “I can’t. This is important.” - “What?” - “Someone is wrong on the internet.”]
When I became ill with fibromyalgia (two and a half years ago), I found myself in a state of low energies (physical and emotional) and limited time. I had to teach myself how to keep on doing activism without harming myself and my health. Giving up facebook arguments was one of my first decisions, and it came along with a general decision to only put energy into places where I received something back rather than places that drained me.
I think there’s a shortage in our communities in knowledge of how to do online activism in a sustainable way, and without causing ourselves to burn out. And since this has recently become a major issue on Bi Tumblr, I wanted to share with you some things that I’ve learned along the way. So here are a few things that helped and are helping me to better deal with tumblr discussions. I hope it would be of assistance <3
Always, always remember that I can choose not to enter discussions.
Remember that the world is not going to end if I don’t reply, and that it’s not my job to fix the world all by myself.
Choosing my battles – if I’m doing awesome activism in a million other spheres, I don’t necessarily need the tumblr sphere.
Remember that I keep a tumblr blog to express my views rather than to argue. The fact that I have put up a text means something in and of itself. If anyone wants to know more about what I think and why, they’re welcome to look some more into my blog. I am not obligated to explain anything or reply to anyone.
When I see that people have written things that make me hurt or angry (in other blogs or in the tags), I take a deep breath and ask myself:
Do I have to reply?
Is it worth the effort and the energy?
Will people listen to what I have to say, or just start fighting with me?
Is it important enough for me to pay the price in terms of energy, frustration, time, etc.?
Clarify my boundaries in discussions where I do choose to participate:
If I only want to express my opinion rather than to start a fight, I write that explicitly.
If the thread is going in directions that are unpleasant for me, I say that and then stop following.
I always try to write politely and reasonably, in calm tones, without using insulting language or words. (If I can’t, then that’s a bad sign).
If I notice that I’m starting to get really pissed off, then it’s high time to leave.
If this is a particularly important discussion for me, and it’s going into bad places, I ask for help from friends and fellow bloggers, to join in and respond as well.
Clarify my boundaries in discussions on my blog:
I have a general policy of “No arguments on my blog”.
If someone replies argumentatively to one of my posts, I accept that I can’t control that (since it’s technically impossible on tumblr), but do not feel obliged to reply to them.
Sometimes when someone tries to reply argumentatively (especially in the asks), I reply briefly by posting a link to a blog post I’ve made in the past or another relevant text. This is because I assume people who ask really do want to learn more about the subject and/or what I think about it (Most actually don’t. They just want to argue. I still put it up because other people can be exposed to it).
Sometimes I don’t even reply to asks, if I don’t have the energy to argue or explain.
Remember that I don’t owe anything to anyone, and am certainly not obligated to consume my energies explaining something to someone on the internet.
My first obligation is to myself – making sure that I’m okay, being attentive to myself and placing boundaries when and where I need them.
The golden rule: THE WORLD WILL NOT END IF I DON’T REPLY.
[EDIT: September 14, 2014]
One more thing that it took me a while longer to learn:
I can choose what content I expose myself to. If I don’t want to be exposed to something, if reading a certain blog or a certain tag - or even being on tumblr - is causing me mental and emotional damage, I can unfollow, or take a break, and that’s totally fine. The world will not end if I’m not up to date.
[Image: A keyboard on fire]
via:Tumblr http://ift.tt/1r4OGO4
