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Safe word Basics:

Before participating in any bdsm related activity its important to establish rules with your partner(s). Everyone has a different tolerance for pain; along with different levels of what they are comfortable with. To communicate these limits and desires people commonly use “safe words” and hand gestures.

Why should I use a safe word?

The safety of your partner(s) and yourself should be the main priority during any scene; what might be easy for you to handle may not be the same for your partner(s). Using safe words allows the participants to communicate their needs efficiently and quickly.

What should my safe word be?

This is completely up to you and your partner(s) to decide and should be discussed thoroughly before partaking in any type of play. There is no limit to the amount of safe words you can use, but remember to keep things simple between you and your partner(s). A safe word should me short, easily identifiable, and easy to remember. Most commonly used safe words are: green (continue, I’m ok with this) yellow (slow down, less) red (stop). Along with this some choose to use food or counties ex: “banana”, “pineapple”, “carrot”. “Africa”, “Canada”, “Mexico”.

How do I talk about safe words with my partner(s)?

There should never be any shame in admitting to have a limit during a scene, your safety is #1 priority! When approaching a partner about the subject feel free to express any concerns or feelings about your limits; be sure to describe what can and can’t be pushed. If your partner(s) come to you to talk about safe words always listen with a open mind and understand their limits.

Most of the time there are 3 main conversations that any participants should have beforehand.

The first conversation should cover EVERYTHING; express what you have experience doing, what you’d like to try, and what you will not try so that your partner(s) have a good idea of what they’re working with. After this safe words can be discussed and established.

Second is the pre-play conversation. This conversation is normally short and just a quick reminder of what the safe words are, ex: “ok so remember red is stop, yellow is slow, and green is go”.

Finally make sure to check up on your partner(s) to see if any desires and limits have changed (basically repeat the first conversation) this helps broaden the understanding between you and your partner(s) and keep everything safe.

What are hand gestures?

A lot of the time during a scene one may find themselves gagged or unable to speak. A common replacement of safe words are hand gestures! This can be anything from a peace sign to a snapping noise made with your fingers. Just like the safe words you can choose any hand gesture that works best for you and your partner(s).

Play safe, communicate, and always listen to your partner(s) safe word!

-Article written by: BreereeCommission for Breeree and Philadelphia BDSM

as always, I just want to reiterate how good of an idea it is to ALWAYS have a safe signal in addition to your safe word, particularly if a) you know you sometimes have issues communicating verbally during a scene, b) you’re doing something you haven’t done before, c) are with a new partner, etc. as shit happens.
belt and suspenders, guys.

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I had more than a year’s worth of backlog of library articles to enter in the Library For Kinksters.

My apologize for the spammed dashes.

I have one more “spam event” planned for the next few weeks that will focus on suicide and mental health.

After that, I will be caught up.

Now, back to the porn.

Welcome to the Library For Kinksters. Check back often as the library is updated frequently.

5 Languages of Love

6 Questions Every Submissive Needs To Ask Her Potential Dominant

7 Common Types of Submissives

7 Fundamental Characteristics of A Daddy Dom

10 Considerations for Inexperienced Subs

10 Habits of Happy Couples

10 Steps To Self Care

10 Things A Dominant Needs From A Submissive

10 Tips for Creating a Happier Life

10 Tips For Living With A Sadist

10 Top Communication Mistakes

10 Truths To Live By

10 Types of Emotional Manipulators

10 Ways To Be Happy

10 Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship

11 Red Flags Of An Abusive Dominant

12 Characteristics Of An Ideal Submissive

12 Relationship Truths We Often Forget

25 Things Daddies Should Do For Their Littles

26 Baby Girl Jobs

30 Things You Can Do For Your Human Kitten

30 Rules For A Modern Gentleman

40 Very Important DD/lg Facts

45 Things A Girl Wants, But Won’t Ask For

50 Cunnilingus Tips from Women

50 Best Ways To Say “I Love You”

50 Rules for Daddies

50 Things You Can Do For Your Daddy

100 Sweet Things You Can Do For Your Princess

101 Things To Do To Make Your Slave Feel Owned (loved)

A Bottom’s Responsibility

A Dominant’s Advice To His Submissive

A Man Who Knows You…

A Good Dom vs. A Bad Dom

Acid Test For Subs

Advice on Dildos and Buttplugs

Aftercare 101

Aftercare For Dominants

Age Play: A Short Guide

Alternative Names For “Daddy”

Alternative Female Titles

Another life ruined because of the morality police

Ask A Million And One Questions

Asserting Ownership - Rules

Attraction to DD/lg: A Little’s Perspective

BDSM for Beginners: Safe and Affordable Play

Basics of Breath Play

BDSM Breakups: All Good Things Must Come to an End

BDSM: Control Goes Both Ways

BDSM on a budget

BDSM practitioners ‘healthier and less neurotic’ than ‘vanilla’ peers

Body image & BDSM

Bondage Basic Safety: Crops, Paddles & Bondage!

Bondage Rope: How To Choose Yours (And More)

Care and feeding of Daddies

Characteristics Of A Good Daddy

Coaxing The Daddy Dom Out Of Your Partner

Collars and Collaring - A Personal Perspective

Communication Is Key

Consent & BDSM

Coping With Emotional Subdrop

Daddy Doms and their little girls

Daddy Doms, Baby Girls, Little Boys And More

Daddy Up!

Date Night In A Jar

DD/lg In Public

DEFINED: SSC (Safe, Sane & Consensual) & RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink)

Defining A Daddy Dom

Dom Drop

Dominants Need Training Also

D/s and Domestication

D/s or Kinky Sex?

Etiquette in BDSM Part 1

Etiquette in BDSM Part 2

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 1 - Beginnings

Exploring the D/s Lifestyle: Part 2 - The Dominant Mind

Factors That Make A Relationship

Feminist Submissive

Fetishes Explained

Finding Love When You Least Expect It

Finding Others with Common (Adult) Interests

Finding Your Dominant

Fun Tasks Daddies Can Give Their Littles

Getting Started in D/s: Defining your Relationship Needs

Getting The Most Out Of A Long Distance Relationship

Glossary of BDSM Terms

Good Rules For Middles and Littles To Live By

Guaranteed Ways To Be More Attractive

Guide For Young Newbie Sub Girls

Guide To Blood Play

Guide To Bruising

Guide to Consent

Guide To Talking Dirty

Guide To Wax Play

Help For New Doms

How a Dom Behaves Shows How He Will Behave Towards You.

How (and Why) To Go Down On Your Submissive

“How do I find Daddy?” A guide to help you safely find the Daddy you’re looking for.

How Do I Get Started In BDSM?

How Does A Submissive Ask for Something from Their Dominant?

How To Be A Good Dominant

How To Be Present In Your Relationships

How to be Yourself

How To Build A Healthy Relationship

How To Deal With Your Enemies

How To Find A Dom

How to Find a Submissive

How to Get Over Feeling Sad

How To Get What You Want In A Relationship

How To Ignore Haters

How To Know When You’ve Found “The One”

How to Make a Blanket Fort/Cuddle Nest

How To Make A Comfort Box

How To Make A Girl Squirt

How To Make Long Distance Relationships Work

How To Make A Sub Drop Kit

How to Recognize a Toxic Friend

How to Stop Being a People Pleaser

How To Take Your Relationship To The Next Level

How to Take Proper Care of Your Dom

How To Tell Your Son About Sex

I Solemnly Swear I Will Not Do This To Daddy

Importance Of Confidence In Relationships

Importance Of Trust In A Relationship

Introduction To BDSM

Is BDSM normal?

Key Ingredients of a Happy and Healthy Relationship

Kinks, Risks, How To And Why Sometimes You Shouldn’t

Limits in BDSM

Long Distance Relationships - Tools To Cope

Long Distance Relationships (LDR) Contemplation: Sticking with plans

Love your Vulva – a self-esteem guide to your sensitive bits!

Managing bipolar disorder in a D/S relationship

Meditation And Mindfulness

Needy Girls Are Daddy Dom Bait

New to DDLG - A Daddy Dom

Novice Submissives

Observations On Doms By A Submissive

On Cutting

Online Aftercare

Physical abuse of littles - it is never OK

Punishments in BDSM Relationships

Red Flags For Online BDSM Relationships

Relationship Advice To Follow, And What To Ignore

Searching for a D/s partner?

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies In Relationships

Sensual Biting

Sex: Myths & Stereotypes

Sex: Practical Details

Sex: Pregnancy and Birth Control

Signs Of A Fake ‘Dominant’

Slut Shaming Explained

So you want to be a Dom?

So You Want To Try Anal? A Practical Guide For Women

So Your Girlfriend Wants You To Dominate her

Some Little Rules All Daddies Should Know

Some Thoughts On Rules

Squirting Educational Video

Squirting Notes

Steps For Letting Go of Painful Memories

Stop Arguments Before They Start

Stuff no one tells you about submission, until the spreader bar is on and you are trapped.

sub/Dom Space, sub/Dom Drop and Aftercare

Subdrop and Aftercare

Subspace and Aftercare

Submissives, Learning to Trust Your Instincts

Submissive Pride

Submissive Traits - Intelligence

The Dom Commandments

The Leash Has Two Ends - Responsibility

The Long Distance D/s Relationship

The Need For Rules and Discipline

Things for Daddies to Keep in Mind

Things My Dream Daddy Would Say To Me

Things to Do When You’re Anxious, Scared, or Just Need a Distraction

Tips for Recovering from Codependency

Topping from the bottom

Types Of Relationship Insecurity

Well-Balanced Power Exchange Relationship

What are the Signs of a Jealous Friend?

What Are Anxiety Disorders? (Infographic)

What Being A Dom Is About - A Submissive’s Perspective

What does the title Daddy mean?

What is a Daddy Dom?

What is a Daddy Dom Mentor?

What is a Little?

What Is Real Love?

What It Means To Be A Dominant

What Makes A Good Dominant

When He Doesn’t Call

When newbie subs, with asinine “doms,” need to run away.

When Someone Is After Your Boyfriend/Girlfriend

Why Do I Feel Unloveable?

Why I call him Daddy

Why Love Makes A Night Of Kink Even Better

Your Rights As A Submissive

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Mexican Handcuff Knot

Start by pinching the rope just a little away from the centerpoint. Remember that this can also be done with a doubled rope folded into a bight.

Pass the rope around your other hand. The direction you coil doesn’t really matter but the final knot comes out more evenly if you coil in the direction shown.

Coil a few times around your hand. More coils make the final knot more secure. Fewer coils makes the knot easier to set into place. The number of coils is up to you. Ideally you should pass the middle of the rope when you are halfway done making coils.

Pinch the working end between your index and ring fingers of the hand you wrapped around.

Let go of the working end and slip your index and ring fingers under all of the coils.

Pinch the very last coil with your index and ring fingers.

Pull your hands apart.

Your hands will exit the knot with a loop trailing pinched between each index and middle finger

Visit my blog for fun dares (18+) , DIY BDSM instructions and more


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Hishi Karada (Basic body Weave) 

Step 1 :  We begin by folding the rope in half and around the back of the neck.

Step 2:  We then tie a series of overhand knots. The overhand knots shown down the front of the body about 9” apart, then down between the legs and up the back.  Tie off at the loop at the back of the neck at the point of the initial fold in the rope.

Step 3:  Be sure and leave about 9” of slack below the your subject’s crotch area as well.  

Note that a series of knots I have named the “joy or happy knot” is strategically placed at the bottom of the hanging rope between the legs so when the weave is completed your nawa jujun will have wonderful sensations between her legs so she can self stimulate her clitoris as she walks or moves her hip region.  She will thank you for this placement.   

Step 4: Checking the spacing.

Step 5: You then start your weave back to front to back, working your way down the body.The end result is creating a diamond web effect in the front and back of the body.

Step 6 : Add a little twist with each loop.  It will keep your suit more stable and prevent slipping

Step 7: Finished Back View. As you can see, unlike the front which was a symmetrical weave, I chose to do some decorative variations on the back.

Step 8: Then just for decoration you can do a little loop every 6” or so down the legs.

Step 9: As well as the arms. 

[ Source]

Visit my blog for fun dares (18+) , DIY BDSM instructions and more

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Modern Classic Tie

Step 1  -  Start with standard length of rope (about 6-7 feet for wrists). Form a Lark’s Head.

Step 2  -  Place the Lark’s Head over the wrists.

Step 3  -  You now have a small measure of control over your subject while you finish up.

Step 4  -  Wrap the double strand around the wrists once or twice. This distributes the pressure across the wrists and helps prevent loss of circulation

Step 5  -  Pull the double strand through the loop created in the provious step.

Step 6  -  Separate the double strand into 2 individual strands.

Step 7  -  Wrap the individual strands between the wrists and around the other ropes

Step 8  -  Pull them up and around again and pull them tight. This cinches the ropes that go around the wrist, making them snug.

Step 9  -  Secure your tie by the use of a surgeon’s knot.

Step 10  -  The finished tie.


Visit my blog for fun dares (18+) , DIY BDSM instructions and more

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Wax play is wonderful! It gives the opportunity to turn your sub or bottom into your personal canvas and form them into a work of art. Through out the span of a few posts, I will be giving you the lowdown on wax play and hopefully others will chime in with their personal experience and advice.

Your tools of choice:

There are several types of candles out there, but the safest to start off with is paraffin. According to a post by Norische on The Iron Gate, here are the other candle types and their melting points:

Paraffin 120 – 145 degrees

Low temp wax 120 – 125 degrees

Standard jar candles 125 – 135 degrees

Standard pillar candles 135 – 140 degrees

Bee’s wax candles 140 – 155 degrees

Oil based candles 165 – 190 degrees

Gel jar candles 165 – 180 degrees

As mentioned above, paraffin’s melting point is at a safe range for beginners to start off with. Keep in mind that you’ll want to start off with a colorless wax just so you and your sub or bottom knows what it feels like. I’ll discuss this more in the next post in the series.

Colored waxes can increase the temperature of the wax slightly, especially if the wax is colored with paint and not dye. If you’d like to add some color and stay on the safe side, I’ve read that melting crayons with plain wax will do the job just fine and you can achieve this by using a crockpot.

Stay away from:

Scented candles - Save your expensive Yankee Candles to put around your room to enjoy in other ways.

Gel candles

Metallic colored candles

Wicks that are not string (cotton is normally used, I believe)

Anything made from animal fat

Painted candles

If you’re ever unsure of a candle’s make up, play it safe and don’t use it. You’re better off spending some money on candles that will make your experience pleasurable and not downright painful. There are plenty of adult sites (Edensfantasy, LoveHoney, etc.) that sells candles for sensation play and wax play, just be sure to read reviews before you purchase.

Sources used:


BDSMwaxplay by TenderDom

Candlelight Moments: Basics of Wax Play

Hot Wax

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Belt Handcuffs

Step One: Thread the tail (non-buckle end) of the belt through the buckle. Pull it tight enough so that the resulting circle is sized accordingly to whatever you are cuffing. For the sake of this tutorial, we will call this circle the “cuff”.

Step Two: Loop the lose tail back through the belt buckle’s square frame, creating an infinity symbol, or a figure eight ( 8 ). Again, size the “cuff”, by pulling on the tail, to an appropriate size similar to that of the first “cuff”.

Step Three: Bring the tail around and slide it through the belt loop while making sure not to alter the size of the cuff it should now be encircling.

Step Four: Take the tail and slide it through the square belt buckle frame. It should be parallel to the other segment of belt you slid through in step two

Step Five: If your belt if large, simply repeat steps three and four until all of the tail slack has been used up. Alternately, you may use the extra slack to fasten the newly made handcuffs to some other object. To tighten the handcuffs simply pull on the slack while making sure the individual cuffs remain in shape. And that’s it! you have successfully made your very own pair of belt-handcuffs

All credits to original author 

Visit here for more DIY instruction

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Great question @xxxnameless-soulxxx 

Yes, in the photo I posted pet is holding a yellow stress ball. Considering he was gagged and had earphones in, it was acting as his safe word. He was instructed to drop the ball signalling something was wrong. 

Safe Play: these folks are doing it right.

I can’t emphasize enough how important it is to have an easy to use/understand/recognize, non-verbal safeword system in place when playing in a way that your s-type is gagged, bound, and/or otherwise unable to speak/verbally convey a safeword or any desire to pause, check in and/or stop. <3 

This made me smile. We always play safe, but please yes, always play safe.

I’ve been wanting to try this myself, but haven’t due to not being able to find a way of communicating distress to the other person.
So simple, an useful

A bell is another option, but pet moves far too much. Or the sub/bottom can use a snap. Or can hit something 3 times. There are several safe signals to use instead of words - choose one that works best for the situation and the sub.

In the past I’ve used hand waves, foot stomps, furniture thumps, and even chain rattles! (take a chain or hell, keys, and hold onto them. bells will make noise if you really move at all, but a chain or keys you can get more control over the sound.)

I’d also just like to encourage people to always incorporate a safe signal of some kind into their play as a backup for the safeword (particularly with a new partner!), because things happen and sometimes safewords don’t get heard or the sub goes non-verbal or is too out of breath/too sobbity to understand - there’s all kinds of unforseen things that can happen, and personally I’m a member of the belt AND suspenders school of safety.

Play safe and have fun!

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Intro to Basic Japanese Rope Bondage


Square Knot: If you can tie your shoes, you can make a square knot. Its just like the first part of tying your shoes, and for the second part you repeat the first half in the opposite direction… Remember “right over left, left over right … makes a square knot nice a tight!”

Half Hitch: The half hitch is a little harder but also very useful. You wrap the rope around what you going to bind too, fold it over itself, then push a loop under the first part, the pull the tails through the loop and pull tight. If you do 3 half hitches, we call that a “hitch and a half”. its possible for a half hitch to slip, but if you do 3 in a row, its easy and fast to make, and virtually impossible to come apart.

Larks Head : It is not really a knot and is called a larks head. Basically you wrap the rope around the body or limp, then put the tails the the bite ( folded mid point ) from the opposite direction and pulling the tails in the opposite direction till snug.

 Basic Techniques

Folding/Bight  is when you find the center of the rope, and fold the 2 halves over creating a bite and 2 tails. Almost all Japanese rope bondage is based of this technique. It makes the rope act like its twice as wide (so 3/8” rope acts as its 3/4” wide), makes it faster to use up the rope and creates larks heads easy.

Banding: is when you double, triple etc. up the rope up to make it act as it wider then it is to spread out pressure on the surface of the skin. Folding is a version of banding, and you can use a folded rope to create more banding. So a 3/8” rope can act as is 3/4”, 1 1/4”, 2 1/2” wide etc.

Layering: is when you take several different pieces of rope or techniques and layer them on top of each other, or have them effect each other. For example,  making a chest harness, then taking another rope, and using one the ends to tie to the chest harness, and the other end to a beam.

The Boola-Boola is an example of layering in one technique.( Figure 8)

Bar Wrap : A bar wrap is when you take the tails of rope and wrap them around a band of rope nice and tight. Basically you end up making a handle you can grab and lift with. And a beautiful way to use up extra rope!

So using these knots are bondage techniques, you can do almost any kind of Japanese rope bondage.


Animated knots is another great site where you can learn all knots required for any kind of bondage.

Visit here for more DIY BDSM instructions and resources


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Self Spanking is hardly ever discussed and I have gotten lots of questions about it, being as I was a self spanker for years before finding a partner, I hope this info is helpful!

This doesn’t really work for me. I like the energy from another person’s hand, but its good information and I will pass it on.

EDIT: Self-spanking is an option that is not talked about very often! The best part is doing it with someone you trust, so why not do it with yourself!

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Guide to Rope Types and Some Places to Get Them

So, one question I get asked by at least one new person every time I talk about rope is, “What kind of rope should I get?” (Exact phrasing varies.)

My answer is usually something vague and slightly unhelpful like, “Well, that depends…”

(This is how I answer a lot of rope questions.)

I’ve decided to write up a guide to the most common kinds of rope, their pros and cons, and some places you can buy them specifically for kink purposes. The usual diameter for most bondage rope is 5 or 6 mm, depending on preference; some places will go up to 7 or 8 mm but at that thickness it can be hard to work with and get very bulky. Rope will either be braided or twisted in construction. Twisted ropes leave good rope marks and have more bite to them, while braided ropes (usually with a core of some kind) are more solid and have less stretch, and also do not run the risk of high-stranding or opening up while in use.

Keep in mind that what some people (me) consider to be a pro of certain kinds of rope, others might find to be a disadvantage. Try a few kinds, use different kinds for different things, learn about all the possible types available to you and what you can/can’t do with them!

Natural Fiber

The common natural fiber types used for bondage are hemp, jute, and cotton. Other materials include bamboo, silk, and linen, but they are less common and I wouldn’t necessarily recommend them for beginners. There is also coconut, palm frond, and sisal rope, but those are specifically for torture techniques, not general use.

Pros of natural fibers:

-They have an innate grip or bite to them which allows the rigger to use friction to hold rope in place when tying, rather than relying entirely on knots.

- They have a higher burn point than synthetic ropes, so it’s harder to give your bottom rope burn (exception: woven cotton rope such as the kind which is sold as ‘bondage rope’ by sex toy companies. This stuff has a very low burn point.)

-They have less stretch than most synthetics, so when you tie them they stay at that tension, more or less, making it harder to wriggle out of (exception: braided cotton, which is very stretchy.)


- Being natural instead of man-made, there really isn’t a way to 100% know how strong any given piece of rope is. Most sellers/manufacturers have tested them to a reasonable level of surety, but there could be weaknesses in the fibers that aren’t apparent.

-Some people have hemp or jute allergies, or sensitivities to the products used to treat them.

-Unless you buy them pre-conditioned, you might have to put time into defuzzing and treating them before use, otherwise they are very stiff and scratchy.

- Washing and drying them can be a pain; you have to dry them under tension so they don’t shrink down, and washing can weaken them. They also aren’t great for using in water bondage, as they are very hard to untie when soaked.


Hemp is a really common rope material for shibari and Western-style bondage. It’s strong, soft when broken in, and has a pleasant weight to it that some bottoms enjoy. It has a grassy/horsey scent as well, which some people love and some people hate. I like hemp for long-term wearable bondage or bondage for sleeping in because of how soft it is when worn in. It takes dye better than jute does, so finding it in pretty colors is easier. There is also a synthetic version of hemp available, called Hempex, which is made of polyester to mimic the look and feel of hemp while retaining the strength of synthetic rope.


Jute is pretty much the rope du jour in the Shibari world at the moment. It’s much lighter than hemp, allowing for faster tying and carrying around more of it without having a bag that weighs a ton. Jute doesn’t have the cloth-like softness of hemp; it tends to be a bit scratchier even when broken in. It isn’t quite as strong as hemp, either, but you can find jute that has been reinforced with nylon or Dyneema for strength. I use jute in most of my tying, with reinforced jute for my suspension lines.

Most jute and hemp rope sold for bondage is twisted, but it is possible to find braided varieties.


Commonly sold as a starter sex rope, cotton is soft, stretchy, and cheap. It is generally not as strong as hemp or jute so is rarely used for suspensions. It can be found or dyed in many colors. Its softness means it really compresses under tension, so tying knots very tightly can mean spending ages getting them undone; this goes extra if it’s wet. It’s easily washable and easy to come by. I honestly barely use it, except to give to Peer Rope people for practice rope.


There are two main kinds of synthetic ropes used for bondage — nylon and MFP (multi-filament polypropelene), though polyester rope is also available from some sellers. Synthetic rope is much more common in Western-style bondage than in Shibari, and the ties used there are more suited to its properties. Braided construction is more common in synthetic ropes but it is possible to find twisted varieties if you’re going for rope marks. You’ll usually find synthetics for bondage sold in 5/16” or 1/4” diameters, roughly comparable to 5mm and 6mm.


- Synthetic rope is manufactured from man-made materials, so it is consistent in size and strength. Apart from possible manufacturing error, all pieces of a rope of a given diameter should have the same load bearing capabilities. Synthetic rope is much stronger and more reliable than natural fiber.

-Synthetics come in all the colors of the rainbow, and won’t fade or bleed dye the way dyed natural fibers do.

-Synthetics are easy to care for, usually machine washable and hang to dry with no ill effects. This makes them ideal for rope play around bodily fluids or water. They also don’t compact when wet the way natural fibers do, retaining their shape and slickness, so they are easier to untie when wet.

-You don’t have to treat or break in synthetics. They’re ready to go!


-Synthetics are slick and slippery; you cannot depend on friction to hold things in place the way you can with natural fibers.

-It is much easier to give someone rope burn with synthetic ropes, so be aware when pulling rope quickly over skin or between parts of the body. Even though they feel softer and smoother than the naturals, they heat up faster.

-Some bottoms who are used to natural fibers really don’t like synthetics (this is mostly a snobbery issue, in fairness.)


Nylon is stronger than MFP, while still feeling slightly softer and more sensual. 100% nylon rope can be great for bottoms with sensitivities to other materials. It’s not as water-resistant as MFP but is still good for wet or messy play. It is stretchier than natural fibers.


Not as strong as nylon, but with less stretch as well for more accurate tension. MFP repels water, making it ideal for wet or messy play and the ensuring cleanup.


Polyester has a softer, warmer feel than the other two and a slightly higher burn point (though still lower than natural fibers). It is stronger than nylon and MFP.

As with everything in rope, for each point I’ve made above, you can find someone who disagrees. Do your own research, try things, and come to your own conclusions.

Now where to get all these marvellous kinds of rope?

Here are some places in the UK and the US where you can get rope. I’ve added a note with each about what kinds of rope they sell/specialize in. This is not an exhaustive list by any means; this is just a few that I know and/or have experience with. I’m sorry if I’ve left out your favorite local artisan who makes hand-twisted spiderweb and unicorn-hair rope that glows in the dark.


Esinem: (cotton, hemp, and jute)

Bind Me: (hemp and jute, some colors)

Jakara: (jute and hemp)

Jaderope UK: (jute, hemp, cotton, Hempex, synthetics)


De Giotto rope: (hemp, jute, bamboo, lots of colors)

Erin Houdini: (hemp and nylon, lots of colors including UV reactive)

Rainbow Ropes: (MFP and hemp, lots of colors)

Twisted Monk: (hemp, some colors)

Boss Bondage: (hemp and jute, lots of colors)

Jaderope US: (jute, hemp, cotton, Hempex, synthetics)

M0co: (jute)

MauiKink: (hemp, jute, exotics)

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Shibari Tutorial: Weave Harness

♥ Always practice cautious kink! Have your sheers ready in case of emergency and watch extremities for circulation issues ♥

All the weaving! Very beautiful, thank you.

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Since the popularization of kink through the series “Fifty Shades of Grey,” I’ve gotten more and more inquires about the idea of contracts within established Dominant/submissive relationships. While these books and their problematic stance on ethics within BDSM are an entirely different conversation in itself, there is some truth to the idea of contracts used within the community. However, in order to maintain communication, understanding, and on-going consent, there are some specific ways of going about this that may or may not differ from the fictional portrayal.

It is important to first note very strongly that sex contracts between individuals have no legal bearing under the law. Never sign into one of these contracts with the misconception that a) you must legally obey all outlines b) that you may not opt out of the contract or its representing relationship(s) and that c) you may be sued with this document as evidence in a legal case against you. None of these things are true.

These contracts are not legally binding and are purely for an informational and organizational novelty use only.

With that in mind, contracts between sexual and/or romantic partners can be very beneficial at times. Drafting one requires lots of communication of ideas, desires, and limits. I fully suggest drafting a contract together, as opposed to one partner writing it for another’s approval. One of the biggest benefits to this is having a direct line of communication about everything that pertains to a D/s relationship, and that is one of the most important aspects to such a dynamic.

So, what kinds of things should you think about when writing a contract? What should be included? The answer to this question depends on the people involved in the relationship, as some aspects are more important to some than to others, and different dynamics have different clauses. However, here are some ideas to help you get started:

Established Roles

Establish who is the Dominant and who is the submissive. If both/all partners switch, write that in. If one/some of the partners switch, discuss the situations where the other would be willing to change roles or state clearly that one partner has a fixed position. Basically, establish the titles of each partner. Is the Dominant going to be referred to as “Sir,” or “Mistress,” or “Captain”? Is the submissive comfortable being called a “slut,” “fucktoy,” or “sissy”? Outline the acceptable titles of each partner and any hard limits in this area.

Define the Relationship

Are you in a committed relationship? What does that commitment mean? Is dating other people allowed? Playing with other people? Threesomes? Relationships with other people? Is this a poly-dynamic? Are you a triad? Outline the rules of commitment or non-commitment and establish what is and isn’t allowed from each partner to avoid upsetting anyone at a later point.

Consent Clause

I always suggest a clause on consent because I think it’s important for everyone to be aware of what consent means to each person. Does “no” mean to stop? Or can that be ignored in place of a safeword? What is the safeword? Is there a system of safewords or just one that means to stop everything? List any hand signals in cases where a gag is used.

Outline the definition of enthusiastic consent and make a vow to respect each other’s safety and always listen for the “yes!”. Write in limits such as, “no sex when I’ve been drinking,” or “no vaginal sex during mensuration” to make intentions absolutely clear.


Very simple, here. Create a list of hard and soft limits for each partner—soft limits being things that are a “maybe” or things that they have no interest in but would consider for their partner and hard limits being strong “no”s. Note any soft limits that the person would like to work on or push at some point.

Rules & Regulations

Is the submissive under a set of rules? Is the Dominant expected to have certain responsibilities? Document these things as a means to keep track of the expectations of each party. These can include but are not limited to:


Daily tasks.

Restrictions on clothing/orgasms/spending/etc.



Behaviour modification goals.

School or work obligations.


Termination Clause

Specifically state that either party is free to opt out of the contract and/or relationship at any time without question. If either party feels they have been violated or that their sexual, mental, or physical well-being is in danger, they have the right to end the relationship and thus make the contract void.

Right For Revision Clause

Since BDSM is highly about exploration, growth, and evolution, note that the contract can (and probably will) be revised upon either party’s request. If any information in any section changes, keep the contract updated of this information. Clauses can be added as needed, as well. All parties should be made aware of any changes and provided with a copy of the revised content.

All parties in the dynamic should have access to this file, either electronically or printed for their personal reference. For the symbolic effect of commitment to follow these guidelines, all parties should sign the bottom of the contract to ensure they understand their expectations and agree upon the terms applied.

Keep in mind these are for reference or for fun, not legal purposes. Make them as casual or legal-sounding as you would like. Some couples like to have them posted in the bedroom or play-space for reference. Any way you go about it is fine, so long as everyone is in agreement on how these procedures are drafted. Have fun with it!

xx SF

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BDSM can turn out to be one expensive hobby/lifestyle. With the cost of toys, lingerie, gear, and furniture, the cost really adds up and can take a toll on the budget of college students and those who aren’t as well off as we’d like to be. However, there are some very cheap alternatives to expensive play and some free forms of kink you can take part in, as well as some DIY projects.


Paddles, whips, floggers, canes, and crops all fall under this category of kink, which can all be pricey depending on the material you’re interested in. Leather is common, but can be on the more expensive end when you get a well-made toy. Cheap alternative work well for beginners, though.


Wooden spoons.


Leather belts.

Bath brushes.

Ping pong paddle.

Rulers/yard sticks.


Decorative bamboo.

Dowels from arts and craft stores or home improvement stores.

Thin copper piping.


Homemade gimp (plastic strings) whips.

Homemade leather floggers with scrap leather from clothing or leather strings from a leather supply store.

For a more extreme and slightly nerdy flogger, you can fold a bunch of Ethernet cables over and tape around the folds to make a handle. This type of flogger has a bite to it!

Duct tape flogger.

Temperature Play

Temperature play is basically free if you have ice trays and/or a freezer. It’s something not a lot of people get into when they’re starting out with kink, but it can be really exciting to the right person.

Ice, Ice, Baby: Take a bowl or ice cubes to bed and tease your partner by rubbing them over the neck, chest, stomach, and genitals. There is bound to be lots of squirming and moaning if they enjoy the cool sensations. Blindfold them for an added element of surprise.

Ice Branding: I posted a full guide on this here. Check it out if you’re into semi-permanent marks and like numbingly cold sensations with little to moderate amounts of pain.

Ice Dildos: This little project is fun for those hot summer days! Take a condom and fill it to size with water, tying off the end. Around the condom, wrap an old paper towel roll to keep the shape of the condom while it freezes and tape it shut. Freeze overnight and then remove the condom and run it under warm water. You’re set to play!

If you’re into more advanced ice dildo-making, use rubber bands or tape to create different shapes and textures on the dildo.


Roleplay is generally a free kink, but for those who like to dress the part or use props, it can get expensive.

Check out stores like Goodwill, Savers, and local thrift shops for clothing. You can usually snag barely used to new clothes for a fraction of the price at these places. While I don’t suggest lingerie at these locations, things like business-wear for secretary/boss play or school uniforms for student/teacher play should be easy to find. 

For other types of roleplay, check these locations just before or after Halloween, as they usually carry lots of costumes and accessories for cheap prices.


Rope is pretty cheap, and an awesome way to start some bondage play. There are endless possibilities with rope, especially in large quantities. Save money by purchasing it at a home improvement store instead of sex shops.

Don’t waste money on books for references. If money is tight, head to YouTube and look up free videos on how to do specific ties. Search for the “The Knotty Boys” if you want some good starter material.

Internal Sex Toys

Money may be tight, but my advice here is never to settle for unsafe internal toys. Never buy jelly, rubber, or TPR toys. Spare yourself the infection and save up for a glass or silicone toy. If you really need a cheaper option, opt for hard, no-porous plastic.However, I assure you the difference in glass or silicone is worth the extra saving.

If you already own toys of an unsafe material, you need to use a condom with them or throw them out. Materials like TPR and rubber hold in bacterial and grow it, no matter how much you clean them. Materials like jelly do the same thing, but also break down and release toxins that are unsafe for your body. 

Keep in mind that if you’re toy shopping at Edenfantasys, the code V2V entered at checkout where it says “partner codes” will get you 15% off everything in your cart and has no expiration date so keep the code and share all you’d like for savings.

xx SF

I just want to chime in here as a rope guy, you absolutely can and should learn with cheap rope, i got my start with 3 dollar per 100 foot clothesline from walmart and poly blends from home depot, all very cheap.  However, with these cheaper ropes there are hazards to be aware of.  Thinner ropes can be harder to untie, especially with non-synthetic ropes like cotton clotheslines, because the rope can swell under duress and be very difficult to untie.  But don’t worry, that’s why you’re using cheap rope! Just cut it!  Also make sure you have safety shears, they’re incredibly cheap and can save a life!

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i hear LOADS of people, on my blog and elsewhere, telling a story that goes roughly like this:

"i’m dating this person, and i’m really subby and i just KNOW my partner could be dommy if they tried, but they keep saying they don’t want to hurt me. i tell them i WANT them to hurt me, i’ve told them a million times, but they just can’t get into it."

sound familiar?

huge step-by-step advice post under the cut!

Read More

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Adult toys are a splendid way to promote safe sex with one’s self. Sharing a toy with a partner is even more fun. But to avoid bacterial infection or transmissions of STDs and to maintain the quality of your toy, products should be properly cleaned.  Here are a few tips on how to clean your sex toys.  

Cleaning non-porous materials (do not absorb dirt and bacteria): silicone, hard plastic or acrylic, glass, Pyrex, and stainless steel

Silicone: There are 3 effective options for cleaning silicone toys.  You can boil toys for 5-10 minutes, place in the top rack of your dishwasher, or wash with gentle fragrance free anti-bacterial soap and warm water.  Remember to not boil silicone toys with electrical components.  Air dry and wipe with a clean cloth before storing.

Hard Plastic or Acrylic: Toys made of hard plastic or acrylic can be cleaned with anti-bacterial soap and warm water.  Do not boil.  Air dry and wipe with a clean cloth before storing.

Glass, Pyrex, or Stainless Steel:  Glass and Pyrex toys may be washed with anti-bacterial soap and warm water. They are also dishwasher safe.  Do not expose glass to extreme temperatures.  Boil or soak stainless steel toys (that do not contain electrical components) in a 50:50 ratio bleach-water solution for 10 minutes.  Anti-bacterial soap with warm water or a cycle through the dishwasher works as well.

Cleaning porous materials (trap dirt and bacteria): rubber or jelly and realistic materials

Rubber or Jelly: Sex toys made of rubber or jelly can be cleaned with gentle anti-bacterial soap and warm water.  Be sure to thoroughly rinse soap completely off the toy so that it doesn’t become damaged or an irritation to you.  For the upmost safety, using a condom with rubber or jelly toys is highly recommended.  Air dry and wipe with a clean cloth before storing.

Realistic Materials: Wash these items with warm water and anti-bacterial soap. After a deep cleaning, let the items completely dry. Lastly, to maintain the quality and freshness of the toy, apply a light coating of cornstarch.

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A major part of many kinky dynamics is a focus on discipline. While “discipline” can be a fun part of your everyday activities, it can also mean something more specific in terms of punishment. “Punishment” differs from the general sense of discipline in that it has a specific goal to focus on that changes a submissive’s behaviour.

Many people engage in what can be called “funishment,”—punishment-type activities, like regular spankings or other forms of play, that are not meant to alter the behaviour of the submissive but rather to provide enjoyment to either/both/all parties. However, it is important to distinguish the difference between playful discipline and serious punishments. Punishments are consequences of negative actions, whether this is based on officially-written regulations or unspoken general behaviours like brattiness, defiance, or dangerous behaviours.

The idea of punishment is based largely on psychological research in the area of behaviourism. It consists of techniques that are supported by science to effectively alter the behaviour of an individual. (If you want to learn more about the research behind punishments, look up B. F. Skinner’s work in this area.)

Two types of punishments exist: positive punishments, which add undesired consequences to the behaviour, and negative punishments, which take away desired privileges.

Now, before I get into some specific ideas for punishments, there are some important key points I’d like to make. Please be sure to read all of these before deciding on a specific punishment.

Punishments do NOT negate the right to a safeword. Some people are mislead into dangerous situations by being told they cannot safeword during a punishment. This is completely untrue. All parties have a right to safeword at any time during any kind of play or punishment. Taking away the right to safeword equates to abuse, plain and simple. Don’t ever tell your partner they cannot safeword or ignore their safeword for the sake of punishment. This is not effective and is extremely harmful to your partner’s mental and/or physical well-being. 

NEVER punish out of anger. Anger is never a healthy motivation for punishment. Punishments are meant for the submissive’s benefit, at the core. If the submissive’s behaviour has made the Dominant angry, they should have a cooling-off period where they can calm down, think about an appropriate punishment, and resolve the matter at a later time, after healthy discussion about what happened.

Limits are NOT to be used as punishments. Many people have activities they don’t particularly enjoy that aren’t on their limits list. Some people have specific ideas for punishments that suit them best. However, regardless of you or your partner’s experience with punishments, it needs to be understood that hard limits are not punishments. Hard limits are never to be used for punishment’s sake because “hard limit” means “I do not want to do this under any circumstance.” Using a hard limit as a punishment would be an abusive act, as hard limits come with an automatic safeword attached, since they are specificly stated as things the person does not feel comfortable with. Never, ever, threaten or use hard limits to punish a submissive. 

Use healthy discretion. This one should seem obvious, but don’t follow through with punishments if rule-breaking was out of the submissive’s control. Say the submissive has a 11PM bedtime, but they recently suffered a trauma or loss and can’t sleep. Let them engage in healthy coping skills instead of punishing them for something they aren’t doing on purpose. Above all else, make safety and well-being a priority.

Make the punishment fit the crime. Punishments that are relative to the defiance are much more effective at changing the behaviour than random punishments. For example, if the submissive cums without permission, try a punishment from the “orgasm control” section. This will better reinforce the reasoning in the submissive and more effectively guide them to make better choices in the future. There are also punishments that work best for specific dynamics like for littles or pets, so be sure to read into those, below.

Aftercare is absolutely required. Like any kind of play, aftercare is required at the end of the scene. This is especially important during punishments because often times, the submissive is consumed with feelings of guilt and disappointment. After a punishment, Dominants need to give their submissives aftercare that includes a conversation about why they were punished, how proud the Dominant is for them taking the punishment so well, and that there are no negative feelings between them. The submissive should leave the punishment scene feeling forgiven for their mistakes and proud of themselves for making things right with their Dominant. Do not leave your submissive alone after a punishment without aftercare, ever! This is highly abusive and can seriously harm your partner.


A great way to get a submissive to stay in line is to humiliate them when they’ve done something wrong. There are several ways to go about this, depending on your dynamic and kinks, but it’s an effective and amusing way to get the message across. 

Clothing Restriction

Clothing restriction can be done both domestically and in public. Restriction can be as much as not allowing any clothing (in legal or private settings), ordering a certain amount of skin be showing, or choosing a specific outfit or collar for the submissive. For shy submissives, clothing restriction can be intense. This is an especially good punishment for submissives who have said negative comments about their bodies.


For ABDL or little submissives, this can either be a reward or a punishment. Depending on the comfort level with diapers, they can be used as a punishment that ties into humiliation. Making them relieve themselves in only the diaper for a set amount of time or wearing it around the house as their only clothing can be very humiliating for some people.


Sissification is a kink that is most common in submissive men. It’s the act of dolling a man up like a girl and humiliating him based on his presentation as such. This can be very effective for some people but can be very problematic to others. Be careful not to use this kink as punishment with trans or gender non-conforming subs without their explicit consent, as it can very easily trigger dysphoria and cause severe emotional problems. 

Public Humiliation

Public humiliation can be done in any subtle way that embarrasses a submissive without breaking any obvious laws. Some examples include making them wear an anal plug or remote-controlled vibrator to dinner, public leashing, or making them kneel at social gatherings. Work this idea into the submissive’s specific kinks and limits to be sure it’s just enough to embarrass them, without making them unbearably uncomfortable.

Orgasm Control

Orgasm control is simply that—controlling the submissive’s orgasms. Most of these types of punishments are used for submissives who break rules about orgasms, be it without permission or when they were told not to touch themselves. Controlling orgasms is an amusing way to teach the submissive who their orgasms belong to.


Edging is the act of getting your partner right to the edge of orgasm, then denying them release. This can be done multiple times, even in short amounts of time. It’s a little psychological torture, best for those who cum without permission.

Toy Restriction

For a submissive, like myself, who is accustomed to using toys during masturbation or play, toy restriction is a very effective punishment. This is especially good for submissives who have a difficult time reaching orgasm without toys, as it makes things very frustrating very quickly. An evil punishment may even combine toy restrictions with a quota of orgasms for the day that they must reach in order to get off restriction. Desperation will sink in very quickly and this lesson will be easily learned.

Forced Orgasms

Forced orgasm is another great punishment for submissives who cum without permission. It turns a great sensation into a torturous experience very quickly. This is especially great with toys like the Hitachi or a Sybian. Focus on a goal—either for number of orgasms, or a specific amount of time. An hour spent riding a Hitachi can really be the most agonizing thing for some people due to heightened sensitivity after each orgasm. 


Denial is the complete opposite of forced orgasms. It’s like edging, but there is no orgasm at the end of the scene. This can be doing while using toys and not allowing the person to orgasm or it can be done by restriction orgasms or even touching oneself for a longer period of time.


Chastity, much like denial, is the refusal of orgasms. However, with chastity, the submissive is completely unable to touch themselves, even if they wanted to. Devices for people with penises and vaginas are available to purchase online to assure your submissive is following orders properly.

Domestic Discipline

Domestic discipline includes things that can be done within the home. Some of these include behaviour modifications or restrictions. While some of these can be done outside the home, these are good examples of things for couples who live together can do for punishments.


Chores not only benefit the entire household, but they can also be an effective punishment for unruly subs. Added chores can be especially fun if you make her clean the bathroom with a toothbrush or make him do dishes with nipple clamps on. Combine with other punishments for your amusement!

Furniture Restriction

Especially fun for people into pet-play, furniture restriction involves limiting where the submissive can sit or lie down. Require that they sit on the ground instead of the couches or sleep on the floor next to the bed if they’ve been defiant.


Another good one for pets, especially. Caging can be used to make the submissive reflect on their reasons for being punished. Be sure to use a cage small enough to confine them, but still large enough so they aren’t going to hurt themselves by spending too much time in the cage.


A great one for littles! Bedtimes are good for college students who don’t do their homework, or easily distracted adults with work to do. Set up rules that require all obligations get done and enforce an early bedtime to be sure they are well-rested (and easily frustrated) when they don’t follow these rules.


Another punishment for reflection. Time-outs are good for brats and littles because it makes them analyze what they did wrong. Put them in a corner or a special “time-out chair” so they know they are being punished. Increase the time or add in other punishments if they break rules more than once.

Sensory Deprivation

Sensory deprivation is a lot like time-out, but can be used for added psychological torment. Plug the submissive’s ears or use headphones, blindfold them, bind them to a bed or chair, and completely ignore them for a set about of time. This desensitizes them and not only makes them reflect on their reasons for punishment, but makes it very uncomfortable, assuring they won’t want to end up in isolation again.


Objectification is fun for Dominants who like their submissives in service to them during punishment. Make them kneel and become your footstool or coffee table while you watch TV or catch up on work. This is even better when you make them do it completely naked and/or in front of guests.

Dietary Restriction

If a submissive has done something against the rules, you can make them follow a strict diet. This is especially useful for those using behaviour modification to lose or gain weight. However, be careful to ensure the submissive is still getting enough nutrition. For littles, see how much they want to be a brat after you take away their dessert privilege. For pets, try making them eat out of a bowl on the floor for each meal.

Speech Restriction

For disrespectful submissives, punish them by taking away their right to a personal pronoun, making them refer to themselves as “this girl,” “Your slut,” “Master’s puppy boy,” or anything else you want to use. You can also make it a rule that they must refer to you by your Dominant title at all times, even in public. Having to remember their restrictions on speech will keep them thinking about their punishment all day.

Corporal Punishment

Corporal punishment is enforcement by physical contact. These types of punishments involve pain, which is a tricky subject for punishing. Typically, pain punishments don’t work as well to change behaviour, especially if the submissive is also a masochist. Be sure to carefully choose what kind of pain if you’re going with one of these methods.


If your submissive likes thuddy pain, use stingy pain. If they like stingy pain, use thuddy. Push their limits carefully, but make it clear this is a punishment and not for fun. Have them apologize as you strike them. Tell them why they are being punished and make it clear that they are to be good and learn from their mistakes. 

Rice Kneeling

Kneeling on uncooked rice is an age-old technique that leaves painful marks. Be careful with time, as this can scar if done for long periods of time or used constantly. Be present during this to be sure the submissive can take it and listen carefully for safewords. Use this as a time out or have them recite an apology to you as you do this.


Figging is done by carving a plug out of ginger and inserting into the anus. This causes a stinging pain that ranges in intensity depending on the person. Frozen ginger is a milder form of this punishment.

Writing Assignments

Writing assignments are usually meant to bore a submissive into obedience. Whether it’s writing lines or a random homework assignment, the punishment focuses on making it undesirable for the submissive to misbehave.


Writing lines is effective if you use it reflectively. For example, for a submissive who is disrespectful, you can have him write, “I will always be polite around my Sir,” a hundred times. For a submissive who cums without permission, you can order, “I will ask permission from Mistress before I cum,” until they fill up five pages. What’s even more fun is making them be stuffed with a toy or on their knees with nipple clamps on while they write.

Apology Letter

An apology letter is a simple task meant to make the submissive think about what they have done, analyze why it was wrong, and have them apologize formally by writing it down. Have them read their letter to you our loud or crumple it up and put in their their underwear for that added perk of remembering all day that they were punished.


An essay is a good assignment for submissives who don’t seem to understand their rules. Make them come up with reasons as to why these rules are in place and write a formal essay about the reasoning and purpose of these rules. Making them analyze the fact that this is for their benefit will remind them that rules are not just there to be mean, but to guide them to healthier behaviour.


Especially fun for people with school girl or teacher fantasies, assign a random homework assignment. Ever wonder about a certain subject but never have time to actually research it? Assign a paper to your submissive about a subject of your choosing and have them report back to you—because knowledge is power! Grade their paper and reward/punish again as necessary for the quality of their work.

It’s important to remember that reinforcements are also important in addition to punishments. When your submissive follows directions, reward them. Give them a treat or praise them and thank them for being so good. If you mix positive reinforcement with punishments when necessary, they’re sure to be trained in no time!

xx SF

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The Ultimate Guide to Sex Toys

by SubmissiveFeminist

Sex toys are a major aspect of many people’s sexuality, either on their own or with partners. Whether it’s a large collection of everything from anal beads to fucking machines or a single cheap bullet vibrator hidden in your nightstand, mostly everyone who is exploring their sexuality uses (or has curiosity about using) sex toys at some point. While sex toys are not for everyone, most sexual people love the added fun of bringing a toy into their sex life—or even keeping toys for solo use. Whatever you’re looking for, hopefully this post will serve as a guide to choosing, using, and maintaining the sex toy(s) right for you!

NOTE: If you purchase any toys from EdenFantasys, which I link repeatedly in this guide, be sure to use the code “V2V" at checkout under "partner codes" for 15% off your entire purchase. You may use and share this code as much as you wish, as it has no expiration. Also be sure to look into their free shipping options, as well as their free gifts.


Vibrators are mostly used with people who have vulvas, though some people enjoy the vibrating sensations on their penis or testicles. Vibrators come in all shapes and sizes and can be used internally, externally, or both at the same time. Every vibrator has some kind of motor that is powered by standard batteries, a rechargeable battery, or an outlet.

For materials, I recommend silicone and hard plastic. These are non-porous options that will make cleaning much easier. Simply wash with antibacterial soap and warm water, making sure not to get any water inside the toy, as that can damage the motor. Toy sprays and wipes can also be used for quick clean-ups, but I recommend condoms if you’re going to be sharing these between partners, just to make things easier.


Internal vibrators penetrate the vagina. Some have a curved head that can be used to simulate the g-spot. They can have any kind of texture or vibrating patterns you can imagine. Usually, a vibrator is a typical choice for someone with a vagina’s first sex toy purchase.

Beginners: Often first-time vibrators are cheap. They are usually made of plastic of PU-coated plastic. This type of material is relatively safe, but shouldn’t be shared, as it cannot be completely sterilized. When looking for a first-time vibrator keep size, material, texture and functions in mind. I suggest something traditional and smooth such as this, this, or this.

G-Spot: G-spot vibrators are more advanced and have a curved head to access the zone at the front base of the pelvis that is referred to as “The G-Spot”. This can cause more intense orgasms and/or squirting. I suggest trying toys like this, this, or this.

The Very Best: The best of the vibrator-world is going to be more expensive, but you also get safer materials, more functions, and better features. If you can afford to save up some money, I highly suggest you go for the gold. Some of my favourites are this, this, and this. Tantus also sells high quality vibrating dildos such as Duke, Echo, and Goddess.

Options to Look For:








External vibrators can be used to stimulate the vuvla, specifically the clit, as well as the penis or testicles. External vibes usually come in two forms: the bullet and the wand. 

Bullets are small vibrators that usually have a rounded or pointed head to use precision around the clitoris. Wands, on the other hand, are usually much larger and more powerful.

For materials, plastic and silicone works best, but you’ll find that some models, such as the Hitachi, have a more porous head to them. This means condoms are required if you’re going to be sharing between partners. For cleaning, sprays and wipes work best, here, because it’s easy to accidentally damage the motor by letting water drip inside. Wiping it down with a cloth dipped in warm, soapy water also works fine if you’re not sharing these toys.

Beginners: I suggest bullets to beginners because a) they’re cheaper and b) they aren’t as intense as wands, which can sometimes overstimulate people who are new to heavy vibrations on sensitive areas. Some cheap options are things like this, this, or this. If you’re looking for higher quality bullets, try Tantus’s silicone series like this, this, or this.

The Very Best: Wands are really useful toys for people who like high-intensity vibration—also know as “power queens”. They can be charged and used wirelessly or have plugs that go directly into the outlet while you use them. The most popular toy of all time, in my opinion is the Hitachi, which I have a comically-intense review of here. Some other awesome options are the Mood Fantastic and the Fairy Wand.

Options to Look For:


Rechargeable VS Corded.



Rabbits are a fun combination of internal and external vibrations. They typicall have an internal vibrator with an external attachment to stimulate the clitoris. They’re called “rabbits” because these attachments are typically shaped like a rabbit’s head, with the ears used to tease the clit. It’s important to note that no animals are harmed in the proper use of these toys.

While rabbits are pretty awesome in theory, their downfall is usually the poor material they are made of. Most rabbits are made of jelly, TPE, TPR, or PVC, which are all porous materials. While you can use these with condoms, I recommend saving up just a little bit more for the silicone options, because they are much safer and better in quality. Cleaning is also much easier with silicone and there’s no condom required for solo-use. Simply wash with antibacterial soap and warm water, making sure no water gets inside the motor. Toy sprays and wipes are also good options. Don’t forget to wipe down the rabbit, too!

Beginners: Even beginners should avoid the materials listed above. Silicone is really the best way to go, and it’s worth the extra money to avoid those potential infections. Try silicone models like this, this, this, or this.

The Very Best: The best rabbits are usually rechargeable and have more options than some other rabbits. Some even rotate or thrust! Check out this and this—and of course, my personal favourite, the Vanity line by Jopen.

Options to Look For:










Dildos are toys for penetration that don’t vibrate—though some have a spot to insert bullet vibrators in order to get that effect. They are usually phallic-shaped but are in no way restricted to only looking like penises. They come in tons of shapes and sizes, so your options are truly limitless. There’s a company called Bad Dragon that even creates dildos to look like dragon penises!

For dildos, I recommend using only silicone, glass, or steel. Like vibrators, lots of dildos are made out of materials that are not body-safe. Silicone, glass, and steel are your best options for finding a dildo that works well and is also safe for you to insert into your body.

Size is also something to look at when purchasing a dildo. While most vibrators have standard sizes, there is a lot of range with dildos. 1”-1.5” in diameter is the range for most people starting out, though more advanced users can fall within the 1.5”-2” diameter range. People who enjoy toys less than 1” or over 2” in diameter are going to have a much harder time finding toys that work for them.

Keep in mind that the dildos I am discussing and linking to in this section are for vaginas. Not all of them will be suitable for anal play, so be sure to check the anal section below here for more on that!


Silicone is known for its velvety-smooth texture. Not only is it one of the safest materials, it’s also one with a lot of diversity. Silicone dildos can be super soft or extra firm—or even squishy enough to feel an actual penis without losing that “hardness” required for comfortable penetration.

Beginners: Many of the dildos I recommend for beginners are more firm in texture. They’re still super smooth, but the firmness is better for people who are just starting out with penetrative toys. I suggest products like this, this, or this for more standard, traditional dildos. Or if you want one that has an optional insertable bullet for some vibrations, try this.

The Very Best: My absolutely favourite thing to recommend to people aside from the Hitachi (mentioned above, in external vibrators) is VixSkin. Vixskin is a company that makes amazing toys out of super high-quality silicone that feels absolutely fantastic. I recommend this most to people who like a “life-like” experience of a real penis, or those who just don’t like their dildos too firm. VixSkin is on the softer side, but works perfectly well during penetration. Going up in size, I recommend Mustang (1.25” diameter), Goodfella (1.5” diameter), and Maverick (2” diameter). In addition, the O2 line by Tantus is amazing. Adam is highly recommended, as is their Flurry O2 (1.5” diameter) and Cush O2 (1.75” diameter).


Glass dildos are so unique! Not only are they absolutely gorgeous, they’re also really diverse in texture. Some are completely smooth and others have all kinds of crazy surface textures to drive you wild.

Glass is a super safe material that is easily to clean and can even be used for temperature play. Simply run under warm water or stick it in the freezer for an even more exciting session.

Glass can be completely sterilized, too, so sharing isn’t a problem. Simply soak them in a 10% bleach solution, boil for five minutes, or stick them in the top rack of a dishwasher for total sterilization. You can also clean them by hand with soap and water, toy wipes, or toy sprays if you’re not sharing them.

Keep in mind that glass is a hard material and may not be suitable for people who like soft toys. Be careful when thrusting with glass toys, as you can bruise your cervix if you go too hard.

Beginners: For beginners, I recommend some smooth toys. However, if you want to jump into trying out some textures, go for it! Some good options for beginners looking to get feel for the material without too much texture are things like this, this, or this.

The Very Best: What’s going to be the best depends on what kind of texture you like, if any. Some common options with glass are things like bubbles, spiralsbumps, and twists.


Steel is a more advanced material and usually much more expensive. However, it has all the features of glass (from the easy cleaning and sterilization to the ability to use it for temperature play) and some added weight. They also come in larger sizes than glass typically comes in.

Beginners: For beginners, I would suggest they try glass before investing in the more expensive steel options. Also, start smaller and work up to larger toy. Try this probe or the Fun Wand for your introduction to steel.

The Very Best: A really good toy for more advanced users is the Pure Wand. It’s great for g-spot action! Also, for those looking for a larger toy, the Eleven goes up to 2” in diameter.

Anal Toys

Anal play is a great thing to try if you haven’t already. Because everyone has a butt, almost everyone can safely play with anal toys. 

Some things to keep in mind are materials and size. Be sure the toy you use is body-safe and able to be sanitized. Also keep in mind that the anus is relatively small, though it does stretch. However, stretch may take some practice and working up to, so don’t jump into large toys without starting off small.


Plugs are often people’s first anal toy. They come in lots of different shapes, sizes, and materials. Plugs are usually no more than three or four inches long, and have a large, wide base to them. 

Because they are smaller than dildos, plugs can be worn for extended periods of time and can even be worn under clothing in public or around the house.

Material-wise, I again suggest only silicone, glass, or steel because these are the safest materials available. Silicone is especially good for beginners because it is lighter and more comfortable than glass or steel. 

Beginners: Beginnerplugs are for people who have never experienced anal play and would like to start small. Some great options are this, this, and this. Or try the Beginner’s Kit. If you’re feeling adventurous or have a little experience, try the small Pure Plug.

Intermediate: Intermediates include people who have had small plugs and/or engage in anal play or anal sex with their partners. Try something like this, this, this, or this. The medium Pure Plug is also a fantastic option.

Advanced: Advanced plugs are for people who have experience with plugs and anal play and are looking for bigger options. Try the large Pure Plug if you like steel and heavier plugs. If you want to stick with silicone, go for something like this or this. You can also look into vibrating options like this one.


Anal beads are a very simple toy. They’re long toys with bubble or bead-like textures that go further into the body than plugs, and are pulled out with a cord or handle on the end. Play safe and pull gently, though! Ripping the cord would be very bad.

Silicone is the only material I would suggest for these beads. Absolutely no jelly or other porous materials! Some awesome options are products like this, this, this, or this. All of those products are motor-less, waterproof, body-safe options to play with. 


Anal dildos differ from vaginal dildos in the sense that they have a flange. A flange is a wide base that keeps the toy from going too far inside your body. Lots of people use vibrators or dildos that have no base and end up in the emergency room to get toys removed, which isn’t really fun for anyone involved. So, be sure to use a dildo that specifically has a wide base if you’re going to use it anally. 

Furthermore, dildos with a base can absolutely be used for vaginal play. However, if you’re going to switch from anal to vaginal use on a toy you need to sanitize it or use a condom. Vaginas will get infected very easily if you go from anal to vaginal use with the same toy so be sure to clean and keep safe!

Like vaginal dildos, I only recommend silicone, glass, or steel toys for safety reasons. These are the only materials you can sanitize, which is a feature you want—especially in anal toys.

Beginners: Start small and work up! Something like Your Highness is an excellent starter toy for anal. Then you can work up to more traditional dildos like this or anal toys like this.

The Very Best: The “best” toy in this sense is just something of a higher quality silicone. These types of toys feel much better, especially anally. Things like this or this are great options due to the large bases on them.

P-Spot Stimulators

P-spot stimulators are anal toys that stimulate the prostate. People who have prostates may come to find that stimulating that area can result in very powerful orgasms. These toys are specifically designed to access that area.

Beginners: BMS Enterprises has a line called “LUX” that includes some awesome prostate massagers. For beginners, I recommend the LX-1 or LX-2 models. Also check out Tantus’s Prostate Health Vibrator.

The Very Best: For those looking for a more advanced p-spot toy, try the LX-3 or the LX-3 Plus, which has all the amazing functions of the LX-3, but is larger.


Masturbators are sex toys for people with penises. They come in all different styles and textures to help achieve orgasm easier. Silicone masturbators are rare to come across so the next material you should look for is thermoplastic rubber (TPR/TPE). While this material isn’t able to steralize, it is safe enough to use with proper cleaning (soap and warm water) and not sharing the toy.

Masturbation Sleeves

Masturbation sleeves are the most common toy for people with penises. They have various textures in a soft material and work by controlling pressure, usually by squeezing an outer tube.

Some options include basic models like this or this. Tantus has a high-quality silicone Stroker and an XL version. Fleshlight also creates toys that are modeled after porn stars such as Jenna Haze, Teagan Presley, and Jesse Jane.

Realistic Models

Realistic models are also available, but usually cost a lot more. These usually take the shape of an actual torso and offer a more realistic feel for some people. They are like smaller, more realistic “fuckdolls”. Popular models include this, this, and this.


Strap-ons are mainly used for penetrative sex with two people who have vaginas, but can also be used for double-penetration with a penis, or with someone in chastity. 


The most common use of a strap-on is with a harness that attaches around the waist and has a base in front of the pelvis for a dildo. Most work with o-rings of varying sizes to adjust for dildo girths but some work with something called “vac-u-lock.”

Harnesses with o-rings require a dildo with a flange (flared base) to work properly.

Some standard harnesses include models like this, this, or this.

You can also find harnesses in plus sizes.

There are also specific types of harness for other areas of the body like feet and thighs.

Strapless Strap-Ons

Another option for strap-on sex is a strapless strapon. Instead of having a harness, these types of toys have one end that goes inside the vagina that balances another dildo on the outside for penetration. Feeldoe is a popular brand for this type of strap-on, but models like this, this, and this also work quite well.

I hope this post provides some guidance on your next sex toy purchase. If you have any additional questions, feel free to message me. A guide covering-kink toys will be coming in the future, so stay tuned for that if you’re looking for information on toys used for BDSM.

xx SF



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