![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shamelessly_mkppersephonesidekick:
thechillgatsby:
thorsies:
IMPORTANT FACTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST BECAUSE UR FRIEND’S PARENTS SEEM NICE WHEN YOU MEET THEM DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE NICE PEOPLE B/C YOU DO NOT SEE WHAT HAPPENS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!!!!!!!!!
SO IF FRIEND TELLS YOU THAT PARENTS ARE BEING CRUEL TO THEM AND HURTING THEM, DO NOT SAY “But they seem so nice! I doubt they mean it!” BECAUSE THAT IS AWFUL TO SAY TO THEM AND MAKES THEM NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN
THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
This can get pretty extreme. I was abused by my parents but they were safe enough that some of my friends hid from their own parents in my house.
Look sometimes abusers are nice. Sometimes even to the people they are abusing. It can be a good strategy. And even when it’s not calculated manipulation but an genuine internal conflict inside them, it’s can still be true that no amount of “nice sometimes” can really undo what they’re doing.
Seriously it’s hard enough to have the moral clarity to complain about abuse from somebody when they are “sometimes nice.” If somebody is complaining about somebody they care about or are supposed to care about, then odd’s add they’ve already factored in more excuses than the person hurting them deserves, especially if they’re family.
Don’t be one more voice arguing for minimization along with all the other voices they overcome to speak up at all.
See, this makes sense and all, but (and admittedly it’s not like my parents are abusive) when I’m going to my friends about family members that have hurt me, I kind of ~do~ want reassurance that they didn’t mean it the way it came out, *along* with the validation that yeah, the way it came out was pretty terrible.
So this is hard for me to do when other people come to me. I try, and especially for people I ~know~ have actually abusive relationships I try very hard to actually verbally condemn the abusive actions and call out the manipulations for what they are, because I know that’s what my friend needs - but if I ever do this to you, please understand that I am not trying to minimize what’s happened to you. My automatic kneejerk reaction in most situations* is to reassure you and help rationalize why it wasn’t so bad, because that’s what I do ~myself.~
via:Tumblr http://ift.tt/VQMMYM
thechillgatsby:
thorsies:
IMPORTANT FACTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JUST BECAUSE UR FRIEND’S PARENTS SEEM NICE WHEN YOU MEET THEM DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE NICE PEOPLE B/C YOU DO NOT SEE WHAT HAPPENS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!!!!!!!!!
SO IF FRIEND TELLS YOU THAT PARENTS ARE BEING CRUEL TO THEM AND HURTING THEM, DO NOT SAY “But they seem so nice! I doubt they mean it!” BECAUSE THAT IS AWFUL TO SAY TO THEM AND MAKES THEM NOT WANT TO TALK TO YOU EVER AGAIN
THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT THING
This can get pretty extreme. I was abused by my parents but they were safe enough that some of my friends hid from their own parents in my house.
Look sometimes abusers are nice. Sometimes even to the people they are abusing. It can be a good strategy. And even when it’s not calculated manipulation but an genuine internal conflict inside them, it’s can still be true that no amount of “nice sometimes” can really undo what they’re doing.
Seriously it’s hard enough to have the moral clarity to complain about abuse from somebody when they are “sometimes nice.” If somebody is complaining about somebody they care about or are supposed to care about, then odd’s add they’ve already factored in more excuses than the person hurting them deserves, especially if they’re family.
Don’t be one more voice arguing for minimization along with all the other voices they overcome to speak up at all.
See, this makes sense and all, but (and admittedly it’s not like my parents are abusive) when I’m going to my friends about family members that have hurt me, I kind of ~do~ want reassurance that they didn’t mean it the way it came out, *along* with the validation that yeah, the way it came out was pretty terrible.
So this is hard for me to do when other people come to me. I try, and especially for people I ~know~ have actually abusive relationships I try very hard to actually verbally condemn the abusive actions and call out the manipulations for what they are, because I know that’s what my friend needs - but if I ever do this to you, please understand that I am not trying to minimize what’s happened to you. My automatic kneejerk reaction in most situations* is to reassure you and help rationalize why it wasn’t so bad, because that’s what I do ~myself.~
via:Tumblr http://ift.tt/VQMMYM
