4b/?

[shamelessly_mkp]

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Blaine looked down at himself, then back up at Kurt. “Should I get dressed?”

Kurt shrugged. “Up to you. It might make you feel better, since you’ve been in them all day, but if you just want to stay comfy, it’s not like we’re going anywhere.”

“I think I should get dressed.”

“Okay.”

Blaine didn’t move. Kurt furrowed his brow in confusion. “Blaine, honey - you do realize you have to go upstairs to get dressed, right?”

“I know,” Blaine said, discomfort clear in his voice. “But I -” He broke off abruptly, biting his lip.

“Blaine,” Kurt said sharply. “Tell me. What’s wrong?”

Blaine wouldn’t look Kurt in the eyes as he quietly said “I don’t want - it’s still all - from yesterday, and I can’t -”

Suddenly Kurt understood, and wished he didn’t. “Is that why you were downstairs, honey?” He asked softly. “Because you couldn’t go back in your room after I left?”

Blaine gave a minute nod of his head, still looking at the floor instead of Kurt. 

“Oh, Blaine.” Kurt’s heart broke a little. He never should have left Blaine last night, curfew or no curfew. Reaching forward, he took Blaine’s hands again. “Would it be okay if I come up with you? I can clean up while you pick out your clothes.”

Blaine shrugged. “Dunno.”

“Willing to try?”

Blaine didn’t answer.

“You are going to have to use your room again at some point,” Kurt said, aiming for a wry tone of voice. He wasn’t quite sure he succeeded, but Blaine nodded, visibly more to himself than to Kurt.

“It’s okay. I - I can - you can stay down here. I’ll be fine.” He didn’t sound like it.

“Blaine -”

“It’s stupid. It’s nothing, and I shouldn’t be - I’ll be fine.”

“Blaine.” Kurt turned Blaine’s face toward him, forcing his boyfriend to finally look him in the eyes. “It’s not stupid, and it’s not nothing, and I’m coming with you.”

Blaine opened his mouth, clearly about to protest, but Kurt cut him off: “End of discussion.”

He led Blaine upstairs by the hand, and sat him down on the bed while Kurt quickly cleaned up their makeshift dinner from the night before and firmly closed the closet door. “So!” Kurt turned to Blaine with a clap together of his hands. “What are you in the mood for today? Saratorially speaking, I mean.” Without waiting for a reply, Kurt strode over to the new wardrobe and threw the doors open wide.

“Don’t care,” Blaine said. “You pick.”

Kurt hummed happily as he rummaged through Blaine’s closet. He loved picking out his boyfriend’s clothes. Carefully putting together a stylish yet comfortable ensemble, he presented it to Blaine with a flourish. “Your clothes, good sir.”

Blaine accepted them with a quiet laugh. He was clearly still somewhat uncomfortable, but Kurt was glad to see that fading. “Thank you kindly, sir.”

After Blaine was dressed, Kurt suddenly realized what the outfit so sorely lacked. A bowtie. “Oh!” and he knew just the one!

Kurt tied Blaine’s bowtie for him, loving the way Blaine so obediently held still and lifted his chin to give easier access. He’d always loved this, the intimacy of it. He still remembered as a child watching his mother tie his father’s tie, on the occasions circumstances demanded one.

***

Blaine’s butt hurt, but he didn’t want to say anything. Besides, it was nice, in a way, a reminder of how much Kurt cared, a reminder that he was forgiven. He’d atoned for his sins and been absolved of guilt (and Blaine was never going to tell Kurt about the religious parallels he couldn’t help but drawl. Hazard of being raised Catholic.).

Blaine really didn’t want to think too much right then. He knew if he did, his thoughts would just start going round and round again and it’d beterrible and Kurt would see and - no. Better to - Easier to - just let Kurt decide for him. It was too much right now, to try to pick the perfect outfit. 

It was better to just hold still and let Kurt fasten his bowtie around his neck. The pressure of it wasn’t substantial, but Blaine could feel it there, and it was like Kurt was there, wrapped all around him, and the warm weight of it was sinking into his bones and he was sinking down and down and no no no no he couldn’t get up he couldn’t speak he couldn’t he couldn’t he couldn’t kurt please something was wrong so so wrong the walls were closing in and the air was so heavy and it had been soft and warm and comforting but now it was suffocating and -

CRACK!

Blaine shocked back to himself, hand reaching up to touch his stinging cheek. Kurt had … slapped him?

Kurt looked just as shocked as Blaine felt. Suddenly, Blaine realized how very bare his neck was - but his bowtie?

“I took it off,” Kurt said. Blaine blinked at him. What? “Your bowtie,” Kurt said. “I took it off.”

Blaine hadn’t even noticed. There was something wrong with him. Something so, so wrong. “Something’s wrong with me.”

Kurt’s eyes widened. “No, Blaine; there’s nothing -”

“I didn’t even notice you took my tie off,” Blaine interrupted, knowing his voice was going too fast but he couldn’t help it. “I - something happened, and I wasn’t here anymore, and I still feel kind of like I’m drunk, Kurt, but not the fun drunk, or the throwing up drunk, and I can’t - it’s like I’m broken, I broke myself, I don’t even know how -”

“Blaine!” 

Blaine broke off abruptly, suddenly realizing Kurt had been saying his name for a while now. “I’m sorry,” he said helplessly. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. God, why am I like this? I’m sorry, this is stupid, I’m being stupid -”

Kurt’s hands were suddenly cupping Blaine’s face. “Stop,” he said firmly. 

Blaine stopped.

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Kurt said. “And you’re not being stupid.” He bit his lip for a minute. “I’m pretty sure I know what’s going on, and - nothing is wrong with you. Nothing. I know you feel strange and out of control right now, but - do you trust me, honey?”

Blaine tried to nod, then realized he couldn’t. “Yes,” he whispered. He did trust Kurt. Of course he trusted Kurt.

Kurt’s thumb was stroking his cheek now, and Blaine couldn’t help but focus on the minute little movements, his skin felt so sensitive, it was like every touch, every texture was nothing he’d ever experienced before, and it was Kurt-

“Blaine!”

With a jerk, Blaine focused back on Kurt, who was looking at him worriedly. “I trust you,” Blaine said, answering Kurt’s question again. 

Kurt nodded. “Good. We need to talk, Blaine, and we’re going to, okay? And I’ll explain what I think is going on.”

“What-” Blaine started to ask.

Kurt shushed him. “Honey, right now you’re barely managing to concentrate on this conversation. I need you all the way here for the conversation we’re going to have.”

Blaine wasn’t here? He wasn’t, he wasn’t here for Kurt, Kurt needed to talk to him and stupid Blaine, he couldn’t even focus long enough for that to happen, what kind of boyfriend was he anyway -

“Blaine!” Kurt sounded exasperated now. He looked lost for a moment, then tightened his grip on Blaine’s jaw for a second. “Count backwards from fifty.”

What? Why?

“Now, Blaine,” his boyfriend snapped. Blaine obediently started counting.

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