shame is for other people

karenhealey:

kastiakbc:

princehal9000:

winstons-and-enochs:

the guardian imagines what historical figures might look like today. my personal favourite is shakespeare, reincarnated as a shoreditch hipster.

but can you imagine how’d he’d sound a loft party? 

"I’m going to subvert the whole, like, narrative ideal by telling you upfront that these two, like, teenagers are going to fall in love and die, and then do it. So there’s no more hiding in the words. Stark, yeah? And then, I think I’ll hide a sonnet in their big scene together, right? It’ll be subversive, because only, you know, people who are up on sonnets will get it…..what? No, she’s thirteen—a little edgy but that’s art, man. Art.”

i am loving hipster shakespeare
A++

This explains so much. Hipster Shakespeare drank too many experimental microbrews one night:
"Will, we need this bit done, buddy. We’ve got rehearsal in ten minutes."
"Shit, I dunno. Uh. Exit."
"Just… "Exit"?"
"Exit, pursued by a bear."
"Will, come on."
"I think I left my LUNGS in that bucket, Robbie, okay? Exit, pursued by a bear. It’s surrealism. Man versus wild. Whatever. Get me a Gatorade and a shit ton of Advil, and maybe I can work out what I’m going to do with the statue."

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zenosanalytic:

schmergo:

I want a movie about a kid who just so happens to be born a Classic Gothic Hero, but in modern day. His name would be like Byron Dangerfield or something. 

Whenever he has EMOTIONS, there are claps of thunder and lightning. Every time he leans against a piece of furniture, it turns out to open a secret passageway leading to some dark secret, until eventually he’s just like “REALLY, GUYS?” All bad dreams are prophetic, even if it’s just that Starbucks will be out of pumpkin spice syrup the next day. Every girl he talks to swoons a lot and has a tyrannical heavy-browed father who are all played by the same actor. Ravens flock around him.

There are inexplicably paintings with moving eyes and moving suits of armor everywhere he goes, even McDonalds. Every time he moves to a new apartment, there is ALWAYS a screaming woman chained up in the room above his, and she invariably sets the place on fire. He’s so over it.

He has never stood upon a moor(on, on; he has to remember to stop using that preposition, it is archaic and it morbs people out) that was not windswept and dreary. After he lost that fifth coat to strong winds he just gave up on North England entirely.

He has never seen a full moon; not entirely. Whenever he tries, he sees but a bit of it through a veil of brooding clouds and the scraggly branches of leafless trees, clawing at the gloom towards its alabaster glow. They are so much like hands, he thinks; the gnarled, withered fingers of man, that fallen, ragged vagabond, reaching -tremblingly, achingly- for a redemption he shall never reach. He also wishes he could stop thinking up all these ridiculous rambling metaphors and similes about everything he sees or does I mean CHRIST it’s embarrassing just having all this purple prose in his head why him? Why is he tormented so?? Why has God chosen to Afflict him thus??? What crime could be so great tha-

He has to remember the exercises his therapist taught him. Deep Breaths… iiiinnn… ooouut…

…iiiinnn… ooouut…

…Better.

He tries not to dwell on the injustice of it all. Dwelling just leads to rants. His natural talent for soliloquy and monologue certainly served him well in the theater(he had to give up on acting though; all those sordid love-triangles, jealousy-fueled murder-suicides, and mysterious disappearances that seemed to follow him from company to company[even to a dinner-theater troupe in Cleavland!] got to be too stressful), but it has sent more than a few friends and lovers backing slowly and wide-eyed for the exit. Apparently, flying into 30 minutes of self-pitying heroic couplet when the plumbing breaks is not considered an acceptable reaction by most people but in his defense how was he supposed to know that?!? Besides, broken pipes are serious business; all this wet could give him consumption! He’s supposed to take that in stride??!!?? Byron is also, unfortunately, rather immune to scientific explanations on such matters |:/

It was a fact as inescapable as the fickleness of God and the faithlessness of humanity; Byron Dangerfield of Ravenwood Manor simply could not catch a break u_u

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shslscubadiver:

Gotta raise up that Gay-Point-Average

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vanehwasreal:

amazing

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butmadnnw:

spadessnowbar:

veganbutt:

darkwater-smidge:

So I learned from my friend that coconut water can be used as an emergency blood transfusion, and of course my first thought was “So, can a vampire drink coconut water?”

and of course we had this idea of these tropical vampires being horrified when these old world vampires come and are still drinking blood like some sort of monster.

guys oh my god
VEGAN VAMPIRES

but consider this: vampires who turn into fruit bats

FRUIT BATS

*loses it*

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sekahyyh:

cardsofclow:

decencybedamned:

HELLO FANFIC AUTHORS IT’S TIME FOR A VOCAB LESSON

wanton: sexually immodest or promiscuous

wonton: a type of dumpling commonly found in Chinese cuisines

YOUR CHARACTERS SHOULD NOT BE MOANING LIKE A CHINESE DUMPLING OKAY THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT

either way, things are sure gonna get

steamy

GET OUT

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darkjez:

popular-slut-club:

punkcub:

cynicaldouche:

popular-slut-club:

snakelet:

Now That’s What I Call Privilege! featuring top 40 hits such as:

Not All Men Are Bad

Why Can’t White People Use the N-Word Too?

Your Pronouns are too Hard to Remember so I’m Just Going to Call You “She” Instead

Why Don’t We Have a Straight Pride Parade?

You Shouldn’t Dress “Slutty” if you Don’t Want Men to Hit on You

Calling Me “Cis” is Offensive to Me as a Cis Person (I Don’t Know What “Cisgender” Even Means)

But Who Will Think of the Men

AND MANY MORE!!!!!

NOW INCLUDING

What about the white people?

Why should we be forced to be inclusive?

My movement isn’t bigoted!

What’s wrong with white cis men being the face of mental illness?

AND DON’T FORGET THE CLASSICS SUCH AS

But we’re not ALL like that!

I’m not supporting you anymore because you’re so mean to me.

AND YOUR ALL-TIME FAVOURITES,

The Ballad of the Friendzone

Being An Ally Practically Makes Me Queer

I Don’t See Colour (And Neither Should You)

Why must you label me (I’m post-sexuality) ?

We All Live In A Post-Racial Submarine

AND OUR CHART TOPPING TRACKS,

I’m a Nice Guy (It’s why You Should Date Me)

Be Nicer To Me (Tone Policing is Fake)

Appropriation Appreciation

Radical Feminism (Not exclusive to anyone)

I have a Black Friend

Oppression Olympics

ilu all.

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the-mikasa-ackermann:

cricsyxo:

divinedorothy:

egotastical:

divinedorothy:

bisexual people aren’t more likely to cheat in relationships but we are more likely to cheat at cards, while lesbians are most likely to cheat at jenga, and genderqueer people often cheat at mario kart

how the fuck do you cheat at jenga

ask a lesbian

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