shame is for other people

I really do enjoy kingdom of loathing but god is it FRUSTRATING not having ENDS to things. or any sort of structure. like. WHAT DO?

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and because my parents NEVER ANSWER THEIR PHONES i can’t even bug my mom for mom-‘vice about what doooooo

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how on earth am i this tired when i have done basically nothing all day

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you handled your mother’s insanity very well today, self! you should be very proud! you did not engage with the crazy! you did not express in any way shape or form how very irrational and cranky she was acting! you successfully apologized for every bizarre thing she became angry about and even managed to keep the faces you were making from being audible in your voice!

yes, you did have to leave your youngest brother trapped in that house, but you have to trust him when he says he can handle it and that getting him out of there for any length of time would only incur such yelling and upset that it would be not at all worth it! he is, after all, quite better at dealing with your mother’s crazy than either you or your other brother, and actually has a social life so he has excuses to leave every once in a while!

and your dad is there and will probably intervene if your mother is being too fucking crazy at your brother even if he will just sit there and take it himself!

…

mom i know you’re concussed but you’re fucking scaring me you need to get your shit together because at this point i dread seeing you and worse still feel helpless and guilty at leaving my littlest brother alone with you because he may be 18 and an adult but he is still my littlest brother and this is just not fair.

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judearaya replied to your post:I am supposed to go hang out with friends in a few…

I am spamming you. I’ve been cycling in that place recently. But sometimes, forcing myself to go even when it’s so hard, pays off because it’s good once I am out there with them?

this is true! i’m wondering how horrible of me it would be to try to get them to come pick me up and/or do the fireworks near my place. probably pretty horrible; they live like 30 minutes away.

maybe taking a hot shower would help. god, I hate days like this.

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I am supposed to go hang out with friends in a few hours and I really really ought to - I haven’t had the chance to hang out with them in months except for last night and tonight, and one’s flying back to california on sunday, but the thought of going anywhere kind of makes me want to cry?

actually the thought of doing anything kind of makes me want to cry.

it’s been a very exhausting day and I’m not sure I could even explain why.

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also my grandparents arrived several hours ago which woke me up and now I’m trying to decide if it’s worth going upstairs to get food and meds or if I should just pack up for work a few hours early and grab my meds on the way out the door.

like. i love my grandparents. but the thought of seeing them and getting trapped in conversation with them right now is one of the worst thoughts ever i do not feel like enough of a person to talk to you right now go away until i can adult.

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okay! so let’s move on from the earlier probably-not-reasonable panicking to the panicking about work and cleaning instead!

ON MONDAY:

new boss “partner”: hey, so these things you’ve spent so much time on all are terrible and should be better! and these people you’ve spent so much time and effort trying to train are clearly untrained!

me: …

new boss ”partner”: here are some things I want you to do!

me: okay, I can -

new boss ”partner”: get them to me by the end of the week?

me: …yeah, okay. I can do that.

ON WEDNESDAY:

new boss ”partner”: so do you have these things done yet? I want to implement these changes by the end of the week!

new boss ”partner”: oh, and this completely new thing I want to launch tomorrow, so get your team up to speed on that.

me: …okAY?

me: *thinking* you uh. do realize that my team works shifts. like. all hours of the day. and that I like. need sleep, right?

me: *thinking* and also time to actually figure out not only how to implement processes for these changes but also how to train people on the processes and then also time to actually train them???

me: …I will get right on that?

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HEADACHE WHY

NO

STOP

DNW

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MKP: *starts to write* 

oh good this is going well

i am pleased with this time to get this next part do—

HEAD: did you say time for a headache???

MKP: uh, no. no i did n-

HEAD: i think you did!

MKP: no i definitely did n-

HEAD: la la la la i can’t hear you

MKP: 

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