shame is for other people

you-get-proud-by-practicing:

i have witnessed almost everything on this list in the past year. this would be funnier if it weren’t such an accurate description of my job. 

10 Tricks to Appear Smart During Meetings

by Sarah Cooper for medium.com

Here are my ten favorite tricks for quickly appearing smart during meetings.

Like everyone, appearing smart during meetings is my top priority. Sometimes this can be difficult if you start daydreaming about your next vacation, your next nap, or bacon. When this happens, it’s good to have some fallback tricks to fall back on. Here are my ten favorite tricks for quickly appearing smart during meetings.

1. Draw a Venn diagram

Getting up and drawing a Venn diagram is a great way to appear smart. It doesn’t matter if your Venn diagram is wildly inaccurate, in fact, the more inaccurate the better. Even before you’ve put that marker down, your colleagues will begin fighting about what exactly the labels should be and how big the circles should be, etc. At this point, you can slink back to your chair and go back to playing Candy Crush on your phone.

2. Translate percentage metrics into fractions

If someone says “About 25% of all users click on this button,” quickly chime in with, “So about 1 in 4,” and make a note of it. Everyone will nod their head in agreement, secretly impressed and envious of your quick math skills.

3. Encourage everyone to “take a step back”

There comes a point in most meetings where everyone is chiming in, except you. Opinions and data and milestones are being thrown around and you don’t know your CTA from your OTA. This is a great point to go, “Guys, guys, guys, can we take a step back here?” Everyone will turn their heads toward you, amazed at your ability to silence the fray. Follow it up with a quick, “What problem are we really trying to solve?” and, boom! You’ve bought yourself another hour of looking smart.

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insanitysrequiem:

cautionlazer:

instead of spending 17000 dollars on dashcon let’s spend 17000 dollars on a remake of The Producers about the events of DashCon

"You know, it’s absolutely amazing! Under the right circumstances, a conrunner could make more money with a flop then he could with a hit!"

"Yes, you keep saying that, but you don’t say how.”

"Well, it’s simply a matter of creative accounting."

"So in order for our scheme to work, we’d have to create a surefire flop!"

"Step 1! We find the worst userbase ever assembled."

"Step 2! We hire the worst staffers in town!"

"Step 3! I raise $17,000!"

"$17,000?!"

"Yes! $8500 for me, $8500 for you. There’s a lotta gullible 12-year-olds out there!"

"Step 4! We hire the worst panelists in town and open in Illinois, and before you can say ‘Step 5…’"

"We close in Illinois, take our $17,000, and go to Rio!”

“♪~We can do it~♪”

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tastefullyoffensive:

[danabdo]

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stut—ter:

hippity-hoppity-brigade:

theshoutingendoflife:

piratefaafy:

elevensies-:

they said it couldn’t be done

venn piagram

THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT VISUAL PUN TO HAVE EVER BEEN POSTED ON THE INTERNET.

WHAT IS HAPPENING

IT also looks like a large cat.

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